Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, so I’m really pushing myself out my comfort zone here because I don’t have anyone else I can seek true advice from. I was recently diagnosed in Feb at the age of 24 (though the news of me being autistic isn’t new) I spent months on myself to accept I am prior to being diagnosed. My little sister was diagnosed at the age of 4/5, thus since my mother has always told me she highly suspects I am - something I heavily rejected for at least 6 years. It wasn’t until meeting my fiancé 3 years ago that I truly started to believe it myself the more I learnt about autism in women (thanks TikTok). After the assessment I didn’t feel hopeful of a diagnosis as I was suffering quite badly with some immense imposter syndrome, so happy tears were shed when I was told I am. As most of you will know once you’ve got your diagnosis that’s pretty much it (super fun lol) I put off seeking anything out because I thought I was content in myself and knew who I was. I was wrong I am dropping the mask completely now and I just feel so detached from myself or who I thought I was to the point I actually don’t know who I am, I’m just struggling massively in know how to navigate myself any confidence I gained has depleted. I’m now reading this back thinking if it makes any sense at all. Any advice/sign posting is greatly appreciated <3
Since childhood I've had many years of odd interactions in the NT world. I'm 78 now and have relatively recently---since my diagnosis two years ago---have come to terms with who I am. You were fortunate in the sense of being forewarned, and to be forearmed with that knowledge. I lived a lifetime trying to run away from myself never knowing ---until recently. My older brother of 9 years knew something wasn't quite right during our upbringing in our disfunctional family which I think is why he remained a confirmed batchelor until his death at age 51. Anyway this is not about me --- it's about you. Getting a diagnosis puts cofirmation into the autism equation, and should provide reasons --- or partial reasons --- why certain past events took place. If I had this confirmation many years ago, pehaps I would have avoided all of my "wheel spin" that would have had a different outcome on my life.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself---Deciderata Like a snake shedding its old skin, take consolation with your new confirmation in your "new skin". You say past self contentment?? I don't think the Pope has that !
Take heart with a long life to navigate ahead of you---and good luck