Published on 12, July, 2020
I put this down to my low confidence/self-esteem. I feel guilty about this, but I would be under the belief that my own friends wouldn't fully appreciate me until I had something incredible to impress them with.
I realise now that they did like me for who I was and I didn't appreciate it at the time. Even the most chronic people pleaser wouldn't travel 120 miles to see someone if they didn't want to (I hope not anyway).
I guess I just wanted someone to look me in the eyes (well, if they were autistic too, maybe not!) and tell me that I am enough.
I can relate to this so much. My self-esteem is so low at the moment and I just feel utterly inadequate. I also have a tendency to want to please people at my own expense, but it's getting harder as I just lack the energy to keep up the mask and also don't really want to do this anymore, but that leads to even more feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I feel so weird and abnormal and stupid. I wish people could just accept me for who I am. But that is probably very hard when I hate myself so much and feel so bad about myself. No idea how to improve this. Sorry.