Has anyone else felt like they've had to prove themselves as a human being?

I can relate to this so much. My self-esteem is so low at the moment and I just feel utterly inadequate. I also have a tendency to want to please people at my own expense, but it's getting harder as I just lack the energy to keep up the mask and also don't really want to do this anymore, but that leads to even more feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I feel so weird and abnormal and stupid. I wish people could just accept me for who I am. But that is probably very hard when I hate myself so much and feel so bad about myself. No idea how to improve this. Sorry. 

Yeah. I definitely placed a lot of pressure on myself to hold friendships together and present a certain version of me to other people (to name a few examples) and I don't feel any better for it.

My insecurities probably didn't help. All the time it was like "why do my friends like me" or "what do I offer to people" and I think that ended up driving the friends I had away too. Coupled with the validation I was seeking.

But like you say, all I can do is work on it.

It's really tough if you feel like you're always the one doing things incorrectly. I challenge you to think about how many different was can be "correct" in some scenarios. For example, I don't like fried eggs. I like mine scrambled. I am not okay if someone gives me a fried egg and I won't eat it. However, liking eggs that I don't is perfectly ok or "correct."

You don't have to prove to anybody that something about you is ok. You can just know inside yourself and then it's easier to insist on people accepting you individually. If you know you're ok then you can just passively be you and let it the people deal with their own adjustment. 

This wouldn't apply all the time. There is some give and take in relationships but you and the other person/people get to define those rules so you have equal say there too.

This is what I've been told and it seems to be true when you do it. However. It's so hard to actually do consistently so don't think I am out it the world feeling confident regularly. I am working on it and doing my best when I can.

I wish it was more straight-forward. I've never been good at standing up for myself so if someone tells me that I am something, I'd just go along with it regardless of how true it might be.

I am 40 and just now looking into the autism diagnosis because I stumbled across some stuff.  It kind of bother me though because I have also always felt like I needed to prove myself. Now that I am talking to my loved ones about this possibility they seem open more to understanding some things.

Why did it take me pointing this out? If people are all indivuals with specific likes and dislikes (which they are) then why not just accept me as I am?

I am working feeling good enough regardless of others and that is part if what led me here. I mean why should we always learn their ways? In interpersonal relationships I think each person should learn the other without judgement. 

Keep smiling ok ?  :-)

Thank you and back to you as well

You ARE enough.
The only person who cannot see it is YOU.  

I hope you’re okay! The world is tough enough and with the addition of autism makes it even harder… i wish i was NT so much

Oh yes ! And i still do. You are NOT alone.

Definitely… it’s exhausting, have you ever suffered with symptoms of depression because of it?

We are our own worst critic my friend.

Hello,

I understand this a lot, I’ve always felt like I’ve had to “prove” myself in a sense and I’m pretty much always comparing myself to others and it’s exhausting.

You shouldn’t be made to feel that way and it’s important to realise that you’re different and that’s okay! It definitely does come from low self-esteem especially when the people around you make you feel silly or stupid for not understanding “normal” social cues!!

I think subconsciously comparing myself to others, even other autistics, has not helped. I'm closer to accepting that I am my own person, because I've basically burned myself out with all the negative self talk and expecting such high standards.

Yeah. One of the things I've been exploring in therapy over the last few months is the fact I needed validation so much, and I was too ashamed of admitting that it was a problem.

I have never felt good enough, but i love myself. I have high expectations of myself, higher than what others expect of me. Its been tiring, but now i know i am autistic i hope i will not put so much pressure on myself. 

We are enough x

HMO said:

I guess I just wanted someone to look me in the eyes (well, if they were autistic too, maybe not!) and tell me that I am enough. 

Self esteem comes from within - what you were looking for is validation.

This book may be useful for you:

An Aspie's Guide to Overcoming Poor Self-Esteem - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)

eISBN 9781784501204