Published on 12, July, 2020
I put this down to my low confidence/self-esteem. I feel guilty about this, but I would be under the belief that my own friends wouldn't fully appreciate me until I had something incredible to impress them with.
I realise now that they did like me for who I was and I didn't appreciate it at the time. Even the most chronic people pleaser wouldn't travel 120 miles to see someone if they didn't want to (I hope not anyway).
I guess I just wanted someone to look me in the eyes (well, if they were autistic too, maybe not!) and tell me that I am enough.
I have never felt good enough, but i love myself. I have high expectations of myself, higher than what others expect of me. Its been tiring, but now i know i am autistic i hope i will not put so much pressure on myself.
We are enough x
I think subconsciously comparing myself to others, even other autistics, has not helped. I'm closer to accepting that I am my own person, because I've basically burned myself out with all the negative self talk and expecting such high standards.