Were you ever told you that you were exaggerating when you were discussing your problems?

What you write is very true.

Among other things, communication passes for a good 90% from the non-verbal.

And we don't understand that much.

We are mentally stiff sometimes.

They have a sort of revulsion at changing the status quo.

We would like to change, in fact we always have.

I believe (We hypothesized with a friend) that without autistic people today's world would have collapsed and Sinner with Novak Đoković would have played Wimbledon, maybe with clubs hitting each other with stones?

I mean (my feeling) an IQ over 159 an NT can never surpass that.

Why?
Because intelligence is very mixed, it is based on different types of intelligences, even sub-intelligences.

Therefore not verifiable with standard methods.

But that we possess, at least in that we, some of us possess them and voilà!
Change the worlds!

Agreed. People will tend to offer unsolicited opinions without caring about our struggles. This is often I get very sensitive and even frustrated when they tell me what I should be doing and not to trust my own reality.

It's so impossible for anyone to really understand another person's experience because words can never communicate something properly. People don't say it to my face I don't think, but I know when I say I can't do something they're sometimes thinking I'm just being soft or lazy or whatever. 

If I can't even understand why I find something overwhelming, what chance does anyone have who isn't inside my head? 

I could be brief in my posts, if they bother me so long let me know and I will adapt immediately.

I am reading you now after months.
I was writing to an Aspie friend from a US state.

Now he's on vacation and maybe he's struggling to write.

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He lived for over 70 years without knowing he was.

The generation gap is remarkable.

But his mind is so full of ideas.

I wasn't empathetic towards him before.
at least: rationally yes.
I am alexithymic and have adhd.
I say two things among many and as a friend of mine wrote some time ago. being an Aspie is not cool.
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So: there would be a zillion things to write on this topic.

Honestly I don't want to be NT at all.
It's okay how they are (we are).

A diagnosis is a minimum starting point.

If it were a train it would be the Orient Express.

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There are many stations between the starting point and the infinite travel point.

So, always if I can, a piece of advice is to think of small approaches.

In a US forum I wrote as a presentation Meet An Alien.

Then the post that I thought would end immediately went on for many weeks.

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There is a lack of interest from NTs (the normal ones which would be 90% of the world population, we belong to various bands of neuroatypicality.

The most extreme is that Asperger's now a subcategory of HFA in a handbook written by NTs about us too!
Which is very strange, think about it ... we should be the way they want us.
I don't even think about it.


I'm fine with different people.

Because they are important, they are enriching in a truly stereotyped society.


*Small personal amends: I too wrote stereotypes.

Because basically we are unreadable to them, as much as they are to us.

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An Asperger (there are I swear: we are different from the HFA even if very similar in some things, but the DSM manual is very old now, you will see the next one, we will become Neandhertalians!

*In any case, friendships are essential.

Which doesn't mean close association, but the purity of friendship.
The quality.


If I have a friend who is different from me, I accept it.
It's fine as it is.

I wouldn't want it to adjust to my normal: it would never succeed!

One hundred years of solitude also in the ICD and then in the DSM.

We are alone.
But *We are alone (Stella)

That’s awful. I’m so sorry for you. know that your struggles are valid.

I was forever told I was 'making it up' when I was diagnosed as having Elhers Danlos syndrome at 30yrs old. 

Once broke my foot and once broke my ankle and told "oh it can't hurt that much" then walked on it for days.

I personally do not agree because these expectations tell us that we are not capable of being ourselves. Masking our emotions is very toxic and demeaning. We don’t need to abide by the nt POV if they refuse to see us as valid.

So if nt’s are very dismissive of our problems, why exactly do we still need to understand their perspective when it’s literally narrow-minded and inconsiderate?

My take on this - it is because we are a small minority (5 - 10% of the population) so to quote Spock "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few".

I'm not saying it is fair but to change the mindset of the population will take time and we probably need to be realistic with our expectations.

Again - only my opinion.

So if nt’s are very dismissive of our problems, why exactly do we still need to understand their perspective when it’s literally narrow-minded and inconsiderate? Don’t you think that doing so dismisses our stimulations and perceptions?

sometimes if people are hard to catch on regarding something problematic, it’d be best to focus on our own issues and validate them rather than tolerate ignorance and gaslighting.

I’ve been accused of exaggerating or overreacting to a problem that seems justified in my view. I think people don’t pay attention to the whole story and make assumptions about a certain background as if it is normal.

It helps to see this from the perspective of the neurotypicals as this explains their reaction.

They see us autists as snowflakes sometimes - if the lights are a tiny bit too bright (in their opinion) then we say it gives us a blinding headach - if the music is a little too loud then we say we can't make out the conversation they are having with us - if the food has a tiny bit of chilli in it then we compain it is too hot etc.

Obviously the above does not apply to all but I'll use it to illustrate the point.

To the NTs we are too needy, too fragile and they often just don't get the understaning of what the discomfort actually is to us because to them it is just slightly different to normal. They think we just need to toughen up a bit or stop complaining because it can't be that bad.

We can also be prone to fixating about things such as germs or being very anxious about risks they believe to be insignificant so that can make them think we are hypocondriacs.

That is the crux of why I believe they diminish out statements - because they cannot really identify with them in the way we do. IT also explains why they lack the patience to hear our full story - for them it is just padding the story.

That is my understanding of it anyway.

I am sorry .
I understand you very well.
 
Nobody wants to listen is a pertinent sentence.
 
I will also explain why this may be later.
 
The point is that your (but also mine) communication becomes unsustainable.
 
We fail to do this.
 
If you were my brother I would listen to you man.
 
We (including you) because hardly an Autistic wants to complain.
 
He wants to describe. Isn't he understood? He specifies.
 
But the point is that to understand you need to * listen to people.
 
Two things:
1) we have communication deficits unless we have to pass exams and they listen to them and we are very well prepared
 
In social interactions we do not listen to each other.
I have always surrounded myself with very intelligent people.
 
I have always said things in an explanatory manner first, and then in detail.

2) They don't listen to the preparatory logical bases of our speeches.
 
We place them to fill the deficits.
 
We think it's enough.
Instead they didn't even listen to them.
 
For an autistic this is detrimental.
 
Because he finds himself having to re-explain the logical basis of his thinking, but also not being able to be heard.
 
Or traced to be exaggerated, petulant, or to repeat the same things.
 
You know in October 2019 I was feeling terrible, I had what would later nomenclatively become covid Sars (yes: there was a lot before December 2019, many months before).
 
I explain that he is a very particular sick person.
 
But I'm not heard.
 
I risked bilateral pneumonia.
 
I took 8 months of time (with relapse) to recover.
 
I came close to death.
 
(in fact it was).
 
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In the December 2019 relapse I no longer said I was sick.
 
Why would I have complained.
 
At this point, I no longer complained about anything.
 
Except that one night the fever shot up to very intense levels and then their judgment radically changed.
 
They told me to go to the hospital.
 
Too bad I couldn't even stand up.
 
Sorry example about me.
 
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From a scientific point of view you don't listen to others because the brain has to work and completely restructure its constructs, a huge job.
 
Here: we always do that huge job.
 
I listen if a loved one tells me things, I'm not Hawking, but the mind works quite well.
 
Theirs too, but they refuse this indispensable step.
 
I'm sorry because I wrote so much and not even if I expressed myself legibly enough.
 
Yes: I understand what you mean, but perhaps all of us here understand it.

Yes and it still happens to me.

Everyone completely dismisses all of my problems. If I get pains or feel unwell I'm told it's in my head. My worries are silly. No one listens.

Hi.
Yes: it happened to me too.
And you described so well, I relate to what you wrote.

You know one possible explanation is that we autistics see the entirety of a subject and we tend to stay too long on that.

Whereas they, neurotypicals tend to synthesize and finish quickly.
* It sounds like a complain to them, I think you mean to describe things in detail, and if related to something you talk about yourself, they think it sounds like a complain.

Instead for you it is a description.


I understood that it is necessary to reduce interactions to a minimum, if absolutely necessary and only when our contribution is indispensable.

For them, it's like running the 100 meters in athletics.

Instead, for us it becomes a kind of marathon.

They are both very beautiful races, but they have completely different dynamics.

As well as a classic poem and a Haiku.
Citation:
Clouds from time to time
they give us rest
as we look at the moon.

Matsuo Basho