Emotional/psychological attachment to objects/belongings

I can have meltdowns if I can't find things. My wife used to hide my wallet in drawers in case we ever got broken in to (!!??), but would not tell me. Cue hours of shouting and muttering. My inlaws comes every other week for childcare and they tidy up after tea, and put dishes back in the most unusual places, which infuriates me. 

Certain objects have to be in certain places. It seems the only thing that causes meltdowns with me.

I enjoy having sets of things, something going missing from a set is unbearable. It’s like part of me is missing. Benjamin Franklin wrote, “ A place for everything and everything in its place.” Maybe he was ND.

I also have strong attachment to my belongings. That’s why I have a big stress if I can’t find something. Now it’s manageable but in the past there were huge meltdowns on daily basis mainly for this reason. I had to know where are all my things, that they are on their places in order to feel calm and comfortable. 

I’ve been living back in my childhood house for about 6 months now, it’s been the family home for over 50 years. I have been sorting through my late father’s workshop, it’s quite a large building yet I can remember where every item came from. Quite a large number of items have strong memories for me. Since childhood I’ve always had a strong bond with objects, my biggest problem is items being moved when I’m not there. It seems to unsettle my brain as the location of everything is stored and something being out of place is unbearable.

I came home on Thursday night and something I had setup had been moved, I don’t know what happened but I had a meltdown, it’s very unusual for me, I then shutdown and isolated myself. I couldn’t verbally explain what was happening.

I am minimalistic but have attachments to clothing and shoes. I always have even as a kid. 
Don’t know why but it’s always baffled me?? 

There are a few things I'm attached too, mostly books and plants, but collecting is somethig I don't really understand, about the only thing I collect is dust. I prefer to live with a minimum of clutter and have fewer possessions that are functional or beautiful.

I did and was unaware of it, really. then there was a fire and it all burned up. It was cathartic, definitely a radical update to me operating system. Now I find I don't care as much. I think it shifted my focus from objects and places to the dynamics of change and a richer inner life.

yeah, same thing.

i can see how minimalism could be helpful but I can't even boil it down to one pair of headphones, out of the many I have each with their specific purpose (ones for sleeping with, open backed hifi for indoor listening closed back over ears for out and about, IEMs for on the bike or taking with me with limited space, ear defender / headphone combo for noisy environments, wireless analogue ones for listening to podcasts etc from a computer whilst moving about the house doing other things). The the same for all the other objects :)

AuTriker said:

I know I used to know, also I feel guilty to the thing for not caring enough. I try hard to squash feelings like that as it is not possible to not have some favourite things, and then feel a bit bad for the less favoured things.

Why not try doing what you would do it it was a person - apologise and say you will try harder.

Simple, sincere, honest and slightly amusing to anyone watching.

That will help the guilt and remind you to review your collection so you can conciously decide what is due to throw out.

So much I relate to on this thread! Scary. Especially with the feeling sorry for things. It is more that even than an actual emotional attachment, that is something different which I have too, but I can make emotional attachments to people (and to my cat) which is stronger than to things. But the feeling sorry for things can be awful, it can get triggered reading about people throwing things away! Which is mad and seriously not helpful as I am trying to declutter.

I collect things. I remember where things came from for quite a long time, but as I look at some things from a decade or more ago I am alarmed to find some of them I have forgotten some details of, or even forgot I had them as they have been put away for years! It causes me some distress when I forget, as I know I used to know, also I feel guilty to the thing for not caring enough. I try hard to squash feelings like that as it is not possible to not have some favourite things, and then feel a bit bad for the less favoured things.

The having too much stuff can be autism and/or ADHD (I am probably both). And both make it hard to fix! Which is why I am having counselling/coaching.

Snowman said:

I'd always say it was nice to avoid hurting the feelings of the object!

I relate to this! Even though I know intellectually that objects don't have feelings, I still can't quite shake it and I am 50 now!

I don't even aspire to minimalism. I don't like the emptiness. Even when I used to go in a hotel I would take stuff out of my suitcase and spread it around to feel more homey.

One bookcase?!!! Just ONE?!!!!! Um, nope. I see the principle, I used it for my parasol collection, one (fairly large) umbrella stand and when it's full no more parasols. In fact I did stop with that one, but books are a different matter!

I agree, I find it totally unacceptable and refuse to participate myself. Though my husband has one (second hand) so if there is something like that then it is possible. But I still protest and will complain to whatever company if it is possible to find out how... but so many of them are now so hard to contact, and my executive functioning is poor.

I think they do recycle them to some level to at least extract the valuable minerals in them.

Bees: I also have a tendency to place a value on things that have survived long enough to become their own little snap shots of history.

Me too, especially home items.

I did have quite a collection of old kitchen utensils but it's one of things I got rid of (and then regretted).

I particularly miss the vintage wooden butter paddles.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

being part of a spiritual path with animism

Animism has always interested me too.

Homebird said:

I am currently saving cardboard tubes as I have found planting sweet peas in them makes them easy to transplant.

That's an excellent second use!

This Person (Ottilie) said:

How are you meant to know if your experience of things isn't normal or average, apart from trying to gauge how other people feel

A very good question and actually it's only since my autism diagnosis + being on this forum, that I've realised that a lot of my experiences aren't 'normal'.

Yes, I think you are correct and I realised that after I'd posted.

I forgot to copy + paste as I've done in the past.

In fact, I find it hard to read the posts of others if they don't quote what they are replying to as sometimes the threads show the reply miles away from what they are replying to, when a particular set of multiple responses becomes complicated.

However, I'll try to quote no more than once.

Thank you!

Just realized I originally posted this accidentally to another thread string with another user rather than to you directly so I'll repost it properly...

I don't think it is generational for me tbh, I admit it was a value my Dad held dear but I don't think that is the reason why I try to fix things before I replace them (and even then some things, the sentimental ones aren't really replaceable.) I think I have a bit of overlap where the artist meets the engineer and that is why I love crafts and science experiments and all that kind of thing. I think I like fxing things for the satisfaction of being able to do it. Also if something isn't a lot or work to fix or can be done by getting replacement parts cheaper than replacing the whole thing it makes sense to spend a little time and save a lot of money.
Also I like working order antiques and to a lesser degree retro (new but looks old) stuff, so I think I also have a tendency to place a value on things that have survived long enough to become their own little snap shots of history.
I actually did a few fixes recently. both on items over 10 years old: https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/21964/3-good-things/303040#303040

Oh and as for

I just Googled feeling that inanimate objects are alive, having feelings, as this is something I experience.

I found this article. 

I haven't read it myself as I'm just about to go out but will read later:

https://adultswithautism.org.uk/autism-feeling-sympathy-for-inanimate-objects/

It's dated 2015, so possibly there is now more up-to-date research.

personally I blame Toy Story in my childhood, and being part of a spiritual path with animism as a feature lol. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism :)

It's all a minefield to me...I don't like all the "sifting" that has become necessary...and the fact that bots (rather than humans) are required in the first instance - always - it seems to me.

That explains why I don't have that problem as I haven't worked out how to do it posting from a phone.

Hi Debbie.....a bit off-topic....but regarding your horrendous problems with the bots and algorithms patrolling this place......

I have noticed that you quote bits from other people's posts more than most on these pages.  We established a while back that quoting more than 3 times in an individual post caused it to disappear into the sin-bin for review.  I'm now starting to wonder if your ongoing troubles are caused by a "metric/trigger" of perhaps "more than 10 quotes from other people in a 48hour period type thing?

Perhaps it might be worth cutting and pasting their words (if that is possible for you) rather than using the 'quote' function.

I do hope you can resolve this aggravation and frustration soon.

Iain said:

This appears to be a compulsion towards hoarding and is one of the compulsions that can come with autism.

I came across this article which explains things better than I could.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/expert-opinion/autism-hoarding-adult-son-fears-parents-help-overflowing-room