Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I found it a little easier to make friends at school and university. But now as an Adult (23 years old), I am looking to make friends with people who are similar to me and how to enjoy deeper conversation. And I am starting to feel like as an Adult it's harder to do that. I don't know how or where to start. It feels like I missed my chance back in school and now I am stuck with my current situation.
Any advice? How do you feel about it? As an Autistic Adult.
Thank you. I'll check out these books.
That's a shame Peter, hopefully you can still find something to join and something regular and more appropriate given the gender dynamics too. I'm aware a lot of groups are member funded and money is tight for everyone right now which is why a lot of new ones fail to last but there may still be something you can join.
A said:Any advice?
Here are a few book recommendations that give a load of advice on the subject:
An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501259Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)ISBN: 184310427X
I already attempted to take your suggestion in a sense. I looked at things I was particularly interested in and made a list of things that were tangently kind of associated with them. Then I looked in the local area to see if anything was going on. Only thing I found was a Lolita fashion meet up.
and while I’m not saying that I don’t have the confidence to rock crinoline dresses in a distinctive pseudo Victoria Japanese style. I’m not convinced I would be welcome among a bunch of young women spending a weekend out in frilly dresses. Anyway it’s incredibly expensive and frankly they just don’t make anything even remotely in a plus size.
so yeah that’s a bit of a bust. I did try a K-pop club night early this year. But as far as I know they haven’t done another and even if I did I wouldn’t have the money to go. It was a lot of fun but I didn’t really make any friends. It was almost exclusively populated by young women again. I mean seriously the woman to man ratio must’ve been something like 5 to one. Not that I was complaining. But I don’t think it’s necessarily conducive to making an introduction. Maybe if I’d been a regular and my face started to be recognised.
I added a part 2 to my reply for you if that helps, since it helps to expand the field as folk say.
Another thing is if you can't find clubs for your precise interest and hobbies you can also just look at what is being hosted in your local area and pick the thing closest to your pre-existing interests that you wouldn't mind getting into and try something new. That's also a good ice breaker people often ask if you've done whatever it is before and you can say no just fancied trying something new, it's a legit answer and a good opener for conversations.These things usually work for me. I actually don't have an issue making a connection, I just can't often be bothered to grow it or maintain it, because I'm not really the kind of person that ever feels lonely, even if it is nice to have friends too. I guess I am one of those for whom the aut-o in autistic is really strong.
I just never left the university clubs; that worked for me for a long time. Now far after that phase of my life I have no idea. There are no non-student ‘adult’ clubs for what I want to do or for my interests.
I even tried being the one to start the clubs and that was a complete failure. in fact repeated failures cause I tried repeated times.
if you figure it out remember to tell me.
Best to join activities based clubs that align with your interests and hobbies, that way you get to meet new people who you already share a common ground to talk about.