Published on 12, July, 2020
I say "does anyone else" like it's a unique experience, particularly for the Autistics among us with terrible rumination issues, but I've noticed it is getting worse for me.
I can't respond to things in the moment so I end up really frustrated and angry immediately after.
I think a lot about future conversations. I see a therapist and I spend hours on end thinking about what I'll say, how I'll say it and even with a list of notes to accompany me, I'll still come away afterwards thinking about what I wish I said.
Is it because I'm not "in the moment" enough?
I do this all the time and have as long as I can remember. I replay past events sometimes changing how I responded to see if it would've changed the outcome. I also do it with future interactions too. I wrote a poem about it that I called 'Infinite Loop' which is a programming reference about when a bit of code gets stuck and loops around as there is no exit condition.