Published on 12, July, 2020
because of the arguments, why not hibernate?
I have done this before.
You can change your name to 'hibernating'.
It's good psychologically because it stops me from posting and indicates to others that you are having a break.
Also, you can choose to still PM (which I do) which isolates you less.
Roy has chosen to do this yesterday.
I've been told by one person that someone they knew was thinking of joining but didn't because of the disagreements, others post far less, others join and then stay a short while.
I was sad to read Billy87 s post today.
To the new people here: it's not always like this and only certain subjects are incendiary so if you can manage to avoid reading them, that would help.
I am guilty of having joined into arguments because I also feel passionately about certain subjects and I expect I will occasionally still make my point.
However, I think restraint here is the key and personal insults should never be acceptable.
I dearly hope that this thread doesn't go the same way as my 'arguments' thread and become one almightly row ...
Peter said:we need these conflicts these arguments because they are the vaccine against extremism and snowflake oversensitivity.
No Peter
'We' should be capable of respecting the boundaries and vulnerabilities of other members of the forum and remembering that not everyone thrives on conflict.
For some of us, conflict is a trigger to past traumatic events.
For me it’s a question of intention.
I’m here in the hope of learning more about my condition, meeting people facing similar challenges and hopefully providing some mutual support.
I thought that’s why we’re all here.
Now I might hold an opinion on some random topic that would upset someone here. If I do make such a post i hope I’d have the maturity to say “sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, let’s move on to another topic”.
Because what could I hope to gain by upsetting a stranger on a forum? a stranger who could potentially help me with my own problems.
And that’s the crux of it for me. Why do some people seek to pointlessly upset other people in a mutual support forum.
I can’t think of a good or honest reason.
Amerantin (former member) said:I’m here in the hope of learning more about my condition, meeting people facing similar challenges and hopefully providing some mutual support. I thought that’s why we’re all here.
To add context some of us, the issues we're dealing with as autistic people, is being vilified for words or views considered politically incorect etc. I would say that that is part of autism. Autism both A) can contribute to making us less socially conforming and B) make us less sensative in the way we express ourselves. So when we have long angry debates on here about whether person Xs views or words were aceptable it is very much at the heart of the chalenges some autistic people face.
Amerantin (former member) said:Over the last day or two I have also begun to think they maybe this isn’t a place I want to be.
I'd echo Debbie's comments. You may not have been here that long but you have made a big impression.
You clearly care enough to stick your head above the parapet when something or someone threatens this valuable support network.
You reassured the community about the unwarranted legal threats and I'm sure those comments meant a lot to those affected. Particularly as it happened at the weekend when there wasn't any mod presence apparent.
Amerantin (former member) said:anyone with any sense will just ignore him.
Wise words... it's hard but try not to allow yourself to be goaded.
There is no moderation on this forum.
That’s the problem.
Calm heads please. MODS pop up anywhere in a thread. Rosie's comment is not DIRECTED at you, it has simply appeared under your post. Don't take it personally and don't attack an UNPAID VOLUNTEER who is trying their best to herd angry cats, kimono dragons, zebras, spiders and woodlice.
GPK26 said:I have taken a back seat on the community today
I find it hard to understand you or your agenda but what I am witnessing is you going from thread to thread and goading people to say things that are uncharacteristic of them and then sitting back and watching the results.
It's very unpleasant behaviour.
Because of you one person I know to be very vulnerable has completely retreated and at least 4 are thinking of leaving here.
I think you need to grow a sense of responsibility for your own actions.
You are a troll who has delighted in poisoning this forum. You are a disgrace.
You’re telling me to be nice about someone who went out of his way to offend people then threatened a load of us with legal action!!
Do your damn job and moderate behaviour like that instead of having a go at me!
Reminder of Rule 5:
Be nice to one another and enjoy chatting with others. We encourage conversation and respectful debate; please be aware that individuals may give opinions which are not shared by other members. Insulting posts or comments making personal jibes will not be tolerated.
He crossed a line when he started threatening people with legal action. Nobody should have to tolerate a bully. Being autistic isn’t an excuse.
Amerantin (former member) said:If he behaved like this in my physical presence it would only happen once.
SHOCKING!I have taken a back seat on the community today, yet you continue to rant about me.And to even suggest physical violence (yes, that is exactly what you have done here) speaks volumes.
I have no idea what is going on here, but I just wanted to say thank you for helping me. It meant a lot. I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.
Thank you Debbie, that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me
oh and what would you do IRL? Demand to see the maniger? Demand he be banned for all eternaty for the sin of saying something you didn't like? I don't mean to jump to conclusions so I hope I'm wrong but that's exactly the sort of thing I take issue with IRL. Exactly the sort of chalenges too many autistic people have to deal with.
Amerantin (former member) said:Over the last day or two I have also begun to think they maybe this isn’t a place I want to be
And that is what really worries me - someone as compassionate, intelligent and balanced as you are leaving because of this conflict.
I hope you don't, but would understand if you + others do.
If he remains on the forum then anyone with any sense will just ignore him. Don’t feed the troll as they say.
Over the last day or two I have also begun to think they maybe this isn’t a place I want to be. But that would just give that obnoxious idiot more satisfaction.
If he behaved like this in my physical presence it would only happen once. But in an anonymous forum he gets away with it again and again.
ok so he over reacted but his over reaction was a reaction to other peoples over reactions in my opinion. Everyone got too hot headed. I'm not convinced as so many others seem to me that this was some sort of elaborate troll. But if it was a troll the way to deal with it would have been to calmly discuss the issue he brought up instead of jumping to acusations. (which quickly started going in all directions) Trolls get no satisfaction from reasoned debate in responce to their trolling.
Like repeatedly threatening people with legal action?
The guy is an obnoxious bully who entertained himself by poisoning this place.
We could quite easily have discussed his difficulty with adapting to changing norms if he hadn’t gone out of his way to be a complete ***.
why should that matter? Why should knowing some people might disagree with you and think your opinions controvercial be a bar to you expressing your views? Just because some one might be offended doesn't mean something should be a big deal to discuss. Like I said we can't be limited to the lowest comen denominator of only the most benal topics that offer no grounds for offence.
The individual who started all this said:
”I openly discuss or rant about these topics along with some others that may be considered taboo with closed friends and family who have all become somewhat numb to my outrageousness / inappropriateness.”
He knew exactly what he was doing.
and if you are they one guy with a difrent point of view and you say so thinking you are just stating your opinion and its no big deal, only to then get your head bitten off and ostrosised for being politically incorect is that not also bullying?
Is that supposed to excuse boorish and bullying behaviour?
Most autistic people endured enough of that in school. We don’t need it in a forum that is designed for us to support each other.
We as Autists NEED people to be more tolerant of boorish behaviour! We aren't exactly known for our social charm...
Bullying, it seems after reading many comments here, is very much in the eye of the beholder.
There is a Christian concept which helps me a great deal in these situations, "Hate the sin, not the sinner".
There is a member here who sees my attempts to build bridges with people who's ideals I find reprehensible as somehow dishonest or perhaps the correct word is disingenuous.
To be honest I can kinda see his point, I have often wondered to myself why I don't just write certain sorts of people off and leave them alone, which in many cases does end up being the only sensible option.
I've noticed that people tend to bully those who they find boorish. Now Boorishness, like beauty, is somewhat in the eye of the beholder and somewhat defined by the society in which you participate, which makes it a LOT harder to eliminate that people make out even if you don't have Autism.
Bullying, looks a lot easier to eliminate, but as is very clear form many posts a lot of people here don't know when they've stopped making a fair representation of their point of view and slipped into bullying behaviour.
There's not a lot of what psychologists call "insight" showing in some conversations, that's for sure. Bee's summed it up nicely in a P.M. once. "If you can't say anything nice, then try to say nothing at all". For those who read our posts it must be obvious that both he and I occasionally fail in that effort and each time it seems to ourselves we were "fully justified" at the time. Speaking for myself, I find sometimes after reviewing my conduct that I was only partially justified, if at all. And occasionally (it's thankfully rare, but it happens), actually mistaken..
I hope that helps explain some of the behaviours we have been seeing, and maybe even suggests an alternative way of looking at even those members with whom you may have profound disagreements with..
Amerantin (former member) said:There is no moderation on this forum. That’s the problem.
Amerantin (former member) said:I have just received an email from the community manager calling me abusive and threatening further action.
so do you agree now that there is moderation on this forum?the first quote claims theres no moderation, the last quote says you have been moderated and disproves the first quote?there absolutely is moderation on this forum, i have been warned a few times myself and been placed in moderation approval ques. the mods do do their job but because of the nature of this sites purpose and the people that use it they cant just go banning and excluding people, because part of autism is being socially excluded from everywhere for failing to understand social sensitivities and rules. so they cant just be ban happy and exclude people as it goes against their purpose as a autistic space.plus bans and exclusions i find dont work, if that ended and mods were more like the mods here then people would have more chance to discuss and perhaps better themselves and change maybe, at least a tiny bit anyway. i think the mods do the best they can but this isnt something you can be perfect on... they are much better than most mods that just exclude and ban people over very little. again in a autistic space they need to be aware that we will break social rules and perhaps not understand why it was wrong or how we upset people. and exclusion isnt the way as exclusion is something to tackle instead and fix.
I too have had an email from the community manager - several in fact.Rather than announce the content of those messages, I have respected that the communication is of a private nature between myself and the community manager / mods.
For the record, I can categorically say that I do not consider this as a victory, I haven't won anything.
That's awful and totally unfair.
You have nothing to apologise for at all.
You are and were a credit to this forum and your loss will be greatly felt.
You were actually helping people on this site!
Crow Lady is leaving too.
Ugh
ps. I did previously send you a 'friend' request - just so you know.
This site is faulty so you may or may not have received it.
Take very good care of yourself.
The site has let itself down by allowing you + others to be driven away like this.
I have just received an email from the community manager calling me abusive and threatening further action.
So GPK has won and I have let myself down.
i am sorry I have upset people, that was the exact opposite of my intention but I always get these things wrong.
I think it’s best I withdraw from this site and leave you all in peace.
Sorry.
A
Thanks Autonomistic. I’ve let life get on top of me for the last week and and I’m really quite upset. It was just bad timing having to deal with with this at the same time. You’re right that I should take my own advice.
I may return in a day or two.