Arguments on the forum

If you reflect on your behaviour and still find it to be the right course of action, why should you change it?

I promised to not indulge in such discussions anymore so I'll say just one thing... Wow Peter.. wow ..

I'm sorry that you had such terrible experience in the past Ottilie and I'm very sorry if any of my comments hurt you accidentally. I totally agree with what you wrote here. Thank you.

You are right Debbie. I'm guilty of this myself. I apologize to you and everybody for indulging in discussions that aren't any help for the majority here. I know that most of us deal with enough in our lives that we aren't really looking for more stress in this forum but rather some inspiration and a sense of community. I am fairly new here and actually new to forums or online communities in general. I'm still learning how to handle how I feel about all different points of view even those that really trigger me. Sometimes it's so hard to just stay silent. I'm grateful that there's someone who is reminding me of what we are here for. I'll try my best to ignore intimidating, triggering answers and escape the depate trap.

That’s a fair point but again that’s a question of how rules are enforced in general not one specific rule being ignored.

I imagine the mods really don’t want to ban people even temporarily. But at the same time just locking threads doesn’t give you much leverage.

If the same posters repeat the same behaviour without reflecting on it, it hardly matters that a thread was locked. 

The moderation team encourage debates but if they get out of hand a gentle reminder of the Rules are given.

If rules continue to be broken during debate the thread is locked.

Well said. There have been many nice members who live on in the spirit and members of this forum.

Stick around Blondie it is a good community and one of the best supports if you have autism. There are more good members than bad here.

i think you understand his point then because his poll is about stopping people lightly tossing accusations of sexual abuse around for no reason... which belittles it and takes away its power when you keep falsely accusing random people of it. so i think your views here align with one another 

yeah considering that a false accusation of sexual abuse is against the uk law so yes accusing anyone breaches libel or slander laws and is against the law of the uk. any such unfound accusation is a breach of uk law and shouldnt be tolerated. it is also against the be kind rule as it isnt kind to blanket accuse people of sexual abuse when they may not have committed sexual abuse.

That’s true but didn’t have mods also lock that thread?

I appreciate your open comment and your willingness to share your thoughts and concerns as a newer member.

I have seen that there can be moments on this forum where members disagree and debate. I have also seen moments where people end up clearly arguing. People cannot always share the same opinions and sometimes that can come out wrong or in a heated way. I think it can be due to the imperfect nature of words and the interpretation of said words sometimes. It of course can also be because simply people disagree. Some of what is argued about is very emotionally charged stuff and can be tricky to navigate, but I think we just need to remember that we are in charge of what we involve ourselves in. It is possible to also notice how many people do not get involved in disagreements and choose to be involved in the community in different ways and sometimes looking for that can help to remove the illusion that this is a hostile place (in moments where it seems like that).

For me the thing that stands out is the community that come together to reassure and relate to one another in ways that many of us have been unable to do until finding this place. I will forever be grateful for that moment where I was first accepted here and realised that my experiences were shared and that I wasn’t alone. 

Sometimes it feels like there are a lot of arguments, and to be honest if someone were to look they’d find them, but the wonderful stuff that happens in between can often can be overlooked.

This is a good place full of good and well meaning people. Sometimes it goes wrong, and sometimes it can be a sanctuary. What I’m trying to say is, this can be a great place, but is also a human place so therefore can be imperfect. Hopefully my well meaning intent is picked up here. 

Some members are no longer with us, but their light and warmth needs to continue on. They bought genuine happiness to many of us here. That’s what I’m hoping to get across

You've very much skipped ahead to the hate speech there. There was literally a thread where women were being told that misogyny is a positive thing for women individually and society as a whole and feminism is bad. And maybe the people comparing gay pride events to a Nazi rally weren't being homophobic, but it certainly felt that way to me. 

Obviously the last thing I want to do is to tell you how you should or shouldn’t express your personal outrage and pain. As far as I am aware you have not been going around accusing autistic people posting on this forum of being sex criminals. But other people have. And if the only way someone can process their pain is to make accusations against strangers on the Internet then I don’t think it’s in the interest of this forum to allow it. Particularly since it may be defamatory in the legal sense. Not only could be people posting it be sued but potentially NAS could be sued (#notlegaladvice).

these accusations are causing bitter contention and preventing us from having intellectual and nonconfrontational discussions about the serious issues. They are driving off posters who are coming to us looking for advice and instead of having accusations thrown at them. Whether or not I’ve been harassed these people have been harassed.

this needs to be a safe space for people to discuss their difficulties in sex and dating as much as a safe space for people to discuss their tragic experiences of abuse.

I wouldn't say it's generally that dramatic, but sometimes unfortunately threads end up as an argument between some users with very specific views. It honestly sucks and I don't know what will change it. 

I didn't say you're making light of it. I said you're making it about you and how it annoys you. Maybe you don't understand the impact that has. I'm quite willing to take that on. 

I don't know a single female person that hasn't been sexually harassed or assaulted. Think about that. Adult or child, that is the female experience. Females come across this entitled attitude ALL THE TIME. If you are a true advocate then I politely ask you to stop defining how acceptable our outrage is and how it should be expressed. If you were the target group of harassment then I would accept your outrage and not make it about how your outrage offends me or makes me feel. You don't have the power to minimise my experience, so your words mean nothing about that. 

I've only just joined but I was in two minds about whether to stay or not because the first post I read had just been locked by one of the site Mods, who is also a new moderator I have since found out.

It's a real put off when you see arguments and hostility online especially if you're trying to escape those things in your actual day to day life.

I'm hoping though this isn't a frequent thing happening here otherwise I will probably leave because I get enough drama in my life without it happening here as well.

I'm not minimising your experience. You have my heartfelt sympathies. But I don't think strangers should be accusing each other of sex crimes in the open in this forum. I'm not saying it can't be discussed hypothetically or we can't talk about our personal experiences but I think basically some of the accusations that have been flying around in post recently have been liable. I'm not making light of it. the exact opposite.

Jeez, Peter. Do you even understand the impact of bringing up words like sexual abuse? I was sexually abused as a child. It's disgusting to casually throw terms like this about like it's just an annoyance. Show some understanding of what these terms actually mean to people and the impact it has on our lives.