Published on 12, July, 2020
My autistic son wants to be like everyone else and have a partner, home etc. he encounters women at the gym and work and he goes headlong into building relationships with them but he is clumsy, direct and full on. Unfortunately he comes across as inappropriate and a little odd. How do we advise him to take a step back. Whenever we approach the subject he just accuses us of interfering with his friends. We are worried someone will not understand him.
This is a complete minefield to get involved in actively so I recommend you approach it from an information drop perspective unless you have someone who can mentor your son (is there a cool uncle in the family, an adult he trusts to talk about this sort of stuff etc).
If you feel you must have "the talk" then let him come to you - say you have been researching the situation and may have some ideas to help him be more successful. He will roll his eyes, say "I really hate you" and go away to think about it most likely - just like any normal teenager would.
The key thing to get across is to stop using chat up lines, trying to impress straight away and try to be authentic - this is much more effective and stood me in good stead in my teens/early 20s.
To help you understand the complexities of this from an autistic teenagers point of view I have made a few book recommendations:
These are a few for him:An Aspie's Guide to Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501273Making Sense of Sex - A Forthright Guide to Puberty, Sex and Relationships for People With Asperger's Syndrome - Sarah Attwood (2008)ISBN 9781843103745The Asperger Love Guide - A Practical Guide for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome to Seeking, Establishing and Maintaining Successful Relationships - Genevieve Edmonds, Dean Worton (2005)ISBN 1 4129 1910 XThis one is more for you:Asperger's Syndrome And Sexuality - From Adolescence Through Adulthood - Isabelle Henault (2005)ISBN 1843101890
There is no "guide to pulling girls" that he probably wants but teaching him to not objectify girls and respect them will be a valuable life skill and should avoid propogating the toxic masculinity that is always a risk at that age.
Good luck.
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