Published on 12, July, 2020
I am not sure where to start...
In April my oldest son (13yo) was finally diagnosed as autistic. He is so very like me that it is like looking in a mirror. When he is struggling I know exactly how he feels... it is hard to explain... I know because that is how I feel in similar situations. I am not sure I am explaining this well. The more I researched asc in order to better support my son the more I felt that I could be reading about myself. A counsellor several years ago suggested that I might be autistic and might want to be assessed. I thought about it briefly then dismissed it.
A few months ago I contact my local IAS and asked for self referral forms. Just after, at my meds review, I told my gp that I had the forms to fill in and she thought this was a good thing for me to be doing. I completed most of the forms around this time and then put them to one side to be procrastinated over.
This week I saw a psychiatrist for the first time about my anxiety and the possibility of changing meds. The ASC stuff came up. He asked me some questions snd said that I definitely have autistic traits. I spoke about my troubles with having a job without being signed off and/or leaving and he said that I might need to accept that I need to work differently because of my disability. He encouraged me to complete the ASC referral forms and send them off.
Initially I felt really positive about that appointment. My suspicions had been validated. But now I feel scared and confused and no closer to completing the referral forms.
I am not totally sure what I am hoping for in response to this post... not to feel so alone probably.
NAS85133 said: But now I feel scared and confused and no closer to completing the referral forms.
Are you scared because it means you will have a label that says you are disabled?
It changes nothing about who/what you are - it simply gives to an explanation about why you are this and from that you can seek help to understand it more and find ways to make your life a whole lot better.
I urge you to fill out the forms and send them - the worst that is likely to happen is you find you are not autistic in which case you are not much further towards working out why you behave / think the way you do.
If you do confirm as being autistic then you join the ranks of us who include some of the greatest minds of our era.
I for one would welcome you wholeheartedly and take time to offer advice on any of your traits that you want help with.
I don't know what I am most scared of. Being told I'm autistic or that I'm not. That either way I still hate my life.
I am not in a good place this evening. Sorry.
NAS85133 said:I am not in a good place this evening. Sorry.
Not a problem in the slightest. We all have days like these (sometimes weeks).
Find what helps you de-stress and use it as best you can.
Tell those closest to you to give you some space while you get back to normal and can put some mental energy into dealing with this, but probably tell your doctor about this and the fact you will be late in submitting the forms. They should understand.
Come back when/if you are ready and we can pick up where we left off.
Thank you.