Published on 12, July, 2020
I am not sure where to start...
In April my oldest son (13yo) was finally diagnosed as autistic. He is so very like me that it is like looking in a mirror. When he is struggling I know exactly how he feels... it is hard to explain... I know because that is how I feel in similar situations. I am not sure I am explaining this well. The more I researched asc in order to better support my son the more I felt that I could be reading about myself. A counsellor several years ago suggested that I might be autistic and might want to be assessed. I thought about it briefly then dismissed it.
A few months ago I contact my local IAS and asked for self referral forms. Just after, at my meds review, I told my gp that I had the forms to fill in and she thought this was a good thing for me to be doing. I completed most of the forms around this time and then put them to one side to be procrastinated over.
This week I saw a psychiatrist for the first time about my anxiety and the possibility of changing meds. The ASC stuff came up. He asked me some questions snd said that I definitely have autistic traits. I spoke about my troubles with having a job without being signed off and/or leaving and he said that I might need to accept that I need to work differently because of my disability. He encouraged me to complete the ASC referral forms and send them off.
Initially I felt really positive about that appointment. My suspicions had been validated. But now I feel scared and confused and no closer to completing the referral forms.
I am not totally sure what I am hoping for in response to this post... not to feel so alone probably.
NAS85133 said: But now I feel scared and confused and no closer to completing the referral forms.
Are you scared because it means you will have a label that says you are disabled?
It changes nothing about who/what you are - it simply gives to an explanation about why you are this and from that you can seek help to understand it more and find ways to make your life a whole lot better.
I urge you to fill out the forms and send them - the worst that is likely to happen is you find you are not autistic in which case you are not much further towards working out why you behave / think the way you do.
If you do confirm as being autistic then you join the ranks of us who include some of the greatest minds of our era.
I for one would welcome you wholeheartedly and take time to offer advice on any of your traits that you want help with.
I don't know what I am most scared of. Being told I'm autistic or that I'm not. That either way I still hate my life.
I am not in a good place this evening. Sorry.