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Sensory Overload and Intimacy: Sharing My Experience as an Individual with Autism

Alex
over 1 year ago

Hiya,

I wanted to take a moment to share something that's been on my mind lately, hoping to connect with others who might have similar experiences. I (20M) have autism, while my girlfriend (18F) does not. We have a wonderful relationship, but there's one aspect that has been a bit challenging for me to navigate.

Recently, my girlfriend has been coming home after working out at the gym and getting naked in front of me, expecting us to engage in intimate activities. Now, let me be clear: I appreciate her desire and attraction towards me, and I genuinely love her. However, I've found that sex tends to be overwhelming for me in terms of sensory input.

Do any of yous experience this or if it's just me. I'm not being ungrateful towards my girlfriend, nor am I trying to diminish the importance of intimacy in our relationship. Instead, I'm seeking understanding and connection with others who might have found themselves in similar situations.

It's crucial to communicate openly and honestly with our partners about our needs, boundaries, and unique sensory experiences. While my girlfriend is aware of my autism, I don't think she fully understands the sensory challenges I face during intimate moments. Explaining this to her is something I'm working on, but it can be difficult to put into words.

TL;DR: I (20M) have autism, and my girlfriend (18F) doesn't. I find sex overwhelming due to sensory overload. Wondering if others had similar experiences and looking for advice on how to navigate this aspect of relationships.

Parents
  • over 1 year ago
    Alex said:
    I find sex overwhelming due to sensory overload.

    This needs a little clarificaton for a helpful response I'm afraid.

    Can you explain it - for example, is it:

    • The touch sense is too much for you?
    • The response of your body becoming aroused. This can be physical or emotional (guilt is a common issue)
    • The smells (even clean bodies have smells as they become aroused)
    • The talk or unspoken rules of what each of you should do

    I've been doing some reading on this and while there is not a lot in any particular book, I did find a section in:

    Maxine Aston - The Asperger Couple's Workbook_ Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counsellors (2008)

    I'm sure I can quote some more specific sections for you here if we have some detail to work with.

    Sex and intimacy are a minefield even for NTs so having challenges when you are still relatively inexperienced is nothing to worry about. If nothing else it may give some useful info for your girlfriend.

    On a broader level, the following book may be of interest:

    Olga Bogdashina - Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome_ Different Sensory Experiences, Different Perceptual Worlds (2003)

    Not as easy to read but may help understand it better in order to make a response plan.

    Lastly, don't rule out couples therapy as this can be quite targetted at specific issues with no judgement or shame attached - think of selling it more of a problem solving session to make your relationship even better.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago
    Alex said:
    I find sex overwhelming due to sensory overload.

    This needs a little clarificaton for a helpful response I'm afraid.

    Can you explain it - for example, is it:

    • The touch sense is too much for you?
    • The response of your body becoming aroused. This can be physical or emotional (guilt is a common issue)
    • The smells (even clean bodies have smells as they become aroused)
    • The talk or unspoken rules of what each of you should do

    I've been doing some reading on this and while there is not a lot in any particular book, I did find a section in:

    Maxine Aston - The Asperger Couple's Workbook_ Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counsellors (2008)

    I'm sure I can quote some more specific sections for you here if we have some detail to work with.

    Sex and intimacy are a minefield even for NTs so having challenges when you are still relatively inexperienced is nothing to worry about. If nothing else it may give some useful info for your girlfriend.

    On a broader level, the following book may be of interest:

    Olga Bogdashina - Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome_ Different Sensory Experiences, Different Perceptual Worlds (2003)

    Not as easy to read but may help understand it better in order to make a response plan.

    Lastly, don't rule out couples therapy as this can be quite targetted at specific issues with no judgement or shame attached - think of selling it more of a problem solving session to make your relationship even better.

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