Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm new to the forums and also somewhat newly diagnosed (2019) despite a lifetime of serious struggles. The diagnosis was a bit of a rollercoaster, although it wasn't much of a surprise. I was angry that no one had noticed and helped when I was a child as I had pretty obvious signs (communication difficulties, social isolation, extreme sensory sensitivity, rigid routines) but I think being able to talk/mask and doing well academically (high scores in tests but dreadful executive functioning and severely low attendance) meant they just put my difficulties down to bad behaviour.
I was also hopeful that now I might get some support and understanding. But what I have found is that the diagnosis didn't really matter - people still treat me like I'm behaving badly, still judge me for everything, don't listen or make it difficult to get reasonable adjustments put in place and every single piece of advice out there is aimed at the parents or carers of autistic children. There is no or very limited information for me to help myself. I also keep hearing on repeat that at least I can talk, at least I don't have IQ deficits, that I don't have it as bad as others. All of this has just led me to a really bad place where I feel like no one understands how difficult daily life is for me and there is no help and I will never fit in anywhere. I often wonder what is the point in trying to exist in this world when everyday is a battle?
I'm trying to finish my PhD in cancer research because biological science is my special interest but I am really struggling. I am in my final year and I am behind where I would like to be, my supervisors treat me like an infant that can't do anything right and I am burning out all the time and having meltdowns. I can't take a break - the way my funding works is that I would just lose more time and an extension is not possible. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is that in 6-8 months I could have a job where it all gets easier. But now I worry that I won't be able to cope with that either. My intention is to apply for a position in genomics where I spend most of my time analysing genetic data on a computer (which I really enjoy) but what if it is too much and I keep having meltdowns?
I just wondered if anyone else was in a similar position or had similar struggles, and how they managed to cope. Or even if you aren't coping it would be nice to know it's not just me!
Thanks for reading,
Bean
Hi, I think you've gotten a lot of advice already, so I'll keep mine short.
I earned a PhD 6 years ago. That was before I knew I was autistic. Looking back, I realized that I learned to find the good people. I would gravitate towards people that were non-judgmental, understanding, open-minded, and protective. It's how I picked my dissertation advisor/chief. My dissertation was on a topic that hadn't been researched before, so there wasn't a tenured professor with experience on the topic. What I did was find someone that had considerable political power in the department, had known me for a while, and asked them to be my advisor. They accepted, and it was a great choice because people did try to attack me. In fact, one associate professor tried to get me kicked out of the program. They're ridiculous. The political power of my advisor really did protect me from a lot of unnecessary neurotypical/hierarchy garbage, and I wouldn't have a doctoral degree if it wasn't for her. She was amazing, and I was grateful in my acknowledgements page in my dissertation. I highly recommend this approach.
I hope this advice helps!