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Low libido - really struggling

NAS80814

Hi

I tried to add a follow up post to one I had already made around this issue but couldn't figure it out so apologies

My partner's continued low libido due to taking medication is absolutely destroying me

I'm finding it so hard to cope, this is causing messed up sleeping, stimming by punching my head and really making my relationship with my partner so difficult. 

We have been lucky to get away to some nice places recently and I would have thought the change of scenery, nice hotel rooms, fancy clothes etc would have being a catalyst for intimacy but I'm left feeling destroyed after them because nothing happens and I feel even worse because I allowed myself to hope of something happening and this dashing of hope is one of the worst things

I allow myself the possibility of intimacy, even fantasize about it but when it doesn't happen it destroys me

I do appreciate its not my partner's fault and I struggle to not take it personally, but it still leaves me devastated that I can't even turn my partner on, it tanks my self esteem and makes me feel disgusting. 

After every rejection I feel like my heart's being ripped out. 

It even got to the stage where I was ready to give up, just to stop trying because what's the point??? The damage to me mentally because of constant rejection is piling up. 

It even got to the stage I was planning on not watching my partner get dressed to avoid the possibility of being turned on 

I feel this is a pretty Ducked up thing to do and goes against how I normally behave but I'm torturing myself by keeping trying , am I meant to just pretend I have no drive either??

I feel sick , get moody , struggle to sleep after every rejection. 

The only saving grace is me and my partner communicate about things pretty good, but conversations around sex are becoming 'im getting sick of having this conversation" but I feel as it not been resolved of course we are going to have this conversation over and over again. 

I love my partner to the moon and back , I truly do but I'm at a loss here, I don't want to lose them over a intimacy issue that's not really there fault. 

I discussed with my partner about speaking with their doctor around their medication and that went down like a lead balloon, I get my partner's condition is their priority and I'm not asking them to sacrifice their health for the sake of intimacy, I'm asking that the issues that are being caused by the medication are highlighted to the GP and see if there is there is any thing that could be done differently, to me that seems like a reasonable request but my partner's reaction to me suggests otherwise?

However I can't see that happening, so I'm left in limbo. 

This is months and months of near constant rejection, yes we have had spells that have been better but they never last and then I'm back to feeling hopeless and hurt again. 

I have no one to turn to, constant communication about this to my partner is going to be seen as pressure and I feel could possibly damage our relationship long term

I don't see a path forward, I'm totally at a loss and I would appreciate all your  Thought balloon Pray

Thanks 

Parents

  • This is a tough one, if the medication is causing a physiological barrier to arousal not much is going to change that. There may not be another option for medication, some conditions only seem to be treated by one thing or the other options may have horrible side effects. You say you already have good communication are you sure it is just the medication and not other issues? Nothing else has changed? Especially for women as an example our head has to be in the right place as well to find people attractive, if we have issues with our partner (maybe not helping around the house ever, always sleeping or playing games) it’s very hard to see them as an equal partner and not a teenage child (enormous turn off which can build over time until you crack) or if they have an addiction etc. I’m not saying that I think you are causing problems it’s just a reason why some people lose libido.  Could you speak to a therapist about dealing with the rejection as well especially as you are hurting yourself. Winding yourself up is possibly making it more of an issue than it needs to be if the rest of your relationship is great. Maybe “giving up trying” might be the way to go for a while, stop trying to initiate and give some space, do things together that have no pressure attached. if your partner is feeling pestered it can make libido worse and going away can put huge pressure on them if they feel like sex is a mandatory part of the trip. 

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    Yeah I suspect your right, it just feels wrong to shut off the sexual part of me, I'm a very flirty sexual person. 

    My partner isn't willing to engage in therapy nor speak to the doctor about any more medications to help, so I'm a stage where it sees I have to just grin and bear it. 

    Im still affectionate with my partner and they assure it's purely chemical and not to take it personally but I find that so hard to do. 

Reply
  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    Yeah I suspect your right, it just feels wrong to shut off the sexual part of me, I'm a very flirty sexual person. 

    My partner isn't willing to engage in therapy nor speak to the doctor about any more medications to help, so I'm a stage where it sees I have to just grin and bear it. 

    Im still affectionate with my partner and they assure it's purely chemical and not to take it personally but I find that so hard to do. 

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