Do you join cultural events? How do you enjoy them?

Deleted because I feel uncomfortable with what I said. If only we could do that in real life!

I went to Download in '16 and it wasn't like it then but I have noticed in uploaded footage of festivals since that almost everyone is focused on filming rather than watching it 1st hand. Not just the one who uploaded it but presumably the same footage bar 2ft in another direction is also uploaded somewhere like what is even the point it's not unique footage it's just a sad attempt at going viral or to prove to strangers on the internet who don't really care about you that you have an "interesting" life rather than just being there and enjoying it. (Gonna add a copy of this to the "things you don't understand" thread now.)

I think pretty much everyone at a gig isn't paying attention to what anyone else is doing so I'm sure you would've been fine! 

At the Gig, in Manchester, I was at three months ago everyone was either drinking or on a smartphone. While I wanted to record a clip of the singer, for my cleaner, I felt uncomfortable.

I used to love festivals concerts etc and still do but just take part in things I really want to now. Im mostly just happy to be there as activities are somewhat restricted now.  I think age has got in the way a bit and lockdown had desensitised me to the masses. Also these days you have to queue for longer than i remember we used to and every thing is a rip off. God I sound old.  I love the togetherness of gigs. I used to go with the flow. Now I want somewhere to sit and easy access to facilities. I go with someone who understands i hsve fewer spoons than i used to so we always plan how to get there, what the eating arrangements will be, if theres somewhere to sit etc. Earplugs in case I need a break. I did a meditation the other day in a pub of football fans. Just popped earplugs in and closed my eyes. Crowds at gigs never bothered me but I struggle in places like supermarkets. Contradiction! Dont make yourself go if you don't like it but if you worked yourself around it you might find some enjoyment. 

Exactly, it's also important to allow yourself to take a break or leave altogether if you need to.

Yes, also very good point. Keep the energy at a level that can get yourself out of a doom spiral if a doom spiral started. Kind of keep a minimum energy level, which is higher than the actual minimum, and try to recharge to keep that the energy higher than that level at all time.

Oh I should really put a disclaimer btw because we hyperfocus as both an autistic and ADHD trait, it's not easy by any means to just derail the doom spiral, it takes a lot of effort to force the focus elsewhwere so depending on how much energy you have left to do it, it is not guaranteed to work all the time.
Like when people say "calm down" when you are upset as if that magically makes you calm down, "just refocus" is not a magic fix in the moment, trying to CBT myself is a skill I had to get better at over many years.

Getting drunk definitely helps, not too much not too often tho.  Thank you for the input 

Not focusing on the bad stuff when I already feel overwhelmed. What a great advice. When I'm overwhelmed it's like all the bad memories or stuff make a group and join my tired brain for a chat and convince it that my life is such a waste of time. It makes me laugh when I think about it because I can imagine all those bad stuff as very chill bunch of careless pals with big 2 litres bottles of coke and a bag of salty snacks just sitting in a messy living room while my brain has its face in its hands and holding the tears back while they make fun and jokes about how its life is such a pitty. Very dark image but yes, when I'm overwhelmed it's like an invitation for all those chill pals to join the party. It's actually a very good advice here. Not sure how to prevent them from escalating the situation from 5 to 10 tho.. I'll experiment with it.

My strategy was always to get drunk and stay that way for as long as possible. Other than that there's no way I could have been around lots of people for longer than a couple of hours.

Now I don't drink and I don't see myself ever dealing with that kind of stuff again. Which isn't a huge loss to me; I'm okay keeping it more low key.

I think something funny happens when I'm in crowds AND I'm having fun/kept distracted. The autistic me hates it, but the ADHD me loves it, so it comes down to how many spoons I have in the bank as to which one is in charge of how I feel overall.

I sometimes feel like I should offer myself up to have my brain waves measured to see if there is an clear switch in dominance bewteen those two. I also sometimes think I should but my brain on a donor card for research after I die, but I'm scred it would be used for nefarious purposes nothing as neutral as just understanding neurodivergence better, or as positive as using research from it to improve the quality of life for other neurodivergent folks. But that's a sidetrack and I feel I have to rein it in.

I think the best strategy is blocking out the excess like wearing headphones between going on rides so I don't need to hear anything too loud when I really don't have to. Fidgets on keyrings are good because they are very casual to add to belt loops or bag zips for public stimming. If it gets too much though a thing that works is (although I dunno if this works for me only because I'm also ADHD or not) getting back into the distracted mindset, because if I start panicing or spiraling into being overwhelmed and then to meltdown I think the OCD effectively doubles the anxiety effect so if I start hyperfocussing on all the bad stuff when I'm already generally overwhelmed it's like finding a fire and pouring petrol on it. I go 0 to melt down very quickly like:
0_1_2_3_4_5_6_7_8_9_10_⊗  Where anything after 5 can be the point of no return.
So it sounds weird but I first have to try force out of the OCD spiral to let ADHD take the hand of autism just long enough that I can start a grounding technique searching for stuff visually (traffic light technique because if I can't get out of the "tunnel of doom" nothing anybody else can do let alone myself can snap me out of that fast track to a meltdown.
But the traffic light technique is something I do if my meltdown trigger is a panic attack. If it's not panic and instead generally getting overwhelmed I got to the nearest stim. Audio, visual, motion, anything, to snap me back to a better function mode, then I have to decide whether I am good to go again or if I need to take a longer break or actually leave.

Hi, no I don’t like those events but I also don’t feel like I am missing out. I just like different things! My favourite is hiking and being in nature or exercise though sadly injuries have curtailed those the past years. I do relate to your feelings though- i marvel too sometimes at how much people seem to enjoy things that I struggle with- for me that’s eating out in a restaurant etc. I struggle with digestion and find eating socially very stressful and I do wish sometimes I could enjoy eating out like other people do.

Makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I was also curious about how others plan it or other coping strategies than mine. It happens a lot, specially that I'm new to my self-diagnousis, that someone would open my eyes to something that has been bothering and I've been masking for so long. Like noise for example, I started to notice how exhausting it is after reading about how someone else noticed that and was sharing how they dealt with it.. that's why I'm very curious to hear about others experiences 

All I can say is that everyone is different, what some people like others don't/ 

But you have to ask yourself if there are any activities that you would like to join in with, if so could you possibly go for just a little while, and if you like it and feel you can stay on longer you could. 

You don't have to go to everything that your friends do, but you could go to a few things. 

Strategies: plan a way that you can leave early if you feel it is too much for you, plan how you can leave and any transport etc, or some quiet space to calm down for a while might be all you need. Noise reduction ear plugs might help, these can also protect your ears from very loud music.

what things in the event interest you? think about this when selecting possible events to attend. 

You could try to be in the outskirts of a crowd rather than in that crowd, which will give you more a sense of control. 

We are all different and all our ways of coping will be different from each other, so the best thing to do is make a list of things that could bother you. then come up with a solution to make it as comfortable as possible? 

You might find that some events you will really like. 

But remember it is important to be who you are, and that a lot of people avoid such events too. 

so it is perfectly normal for people to want to go and perfectly normal for people who do not want to go.