Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been thinking about doing this since I was small. I absolutely hate my given name - it's long, too many syllables and I've always struggled to pronounce or even hear my own name. I shortened it to something more easy to say aloud, but still I cringe. My name also was said alot in vain growing up as I was misunderstood and wasn't diagnosed until very late in life - so it's traumatic to hear it and I always feel like I'm in trouble when the full version is spoken.
I thought up a better name but am having cold feet due to thinking I'm just being silly. I feel like I don't know what my identity is and my name is just associated with negativity I think. Users here may have spotted that I change my profile username alot because I just can't settle on 'me' either anonymously or IRL.
I'm really interested to hear others' views on their own names, do you like your given name? And do you struggle with what your name means to you? ie. your identity. Hope I'm making sense!
I grew up with a name that was very unusual at the time, and when I introduced myself people would furrow their brows at me, or get it wrong. This led to a lot of negative first impressions on both sides, and I often felt like people were upset with me just because of my name. It made it even more difficult to connect. Not only was I weirdo, I was the weirdo with the weird name.
I also had several "adverse childhood experiences" including abuse. So when I left home I started introducing myself as a new name based on a book that I loved, and now when I tell people my name they smile at me instead.
I've been planning to get my name changed by deed poll but life has a habit of getting in the way. I recently started using my preferred name at work and it's made such a difference because I'm not constantly reminded of all the negative associations of my old name. I feel more fully like me, like a butterfly coming out of their cocoon.