Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
So I guess this is the first time I've really opened up about everything that's been rattling my brain lately. I have opened up to my husband (the thinking that I might be autistic) and he's suggested I go down the route of trying to get assessed. I feel like I need to pluck up the courage to call the GP about it, but as we're already dealing with doctors for infertility I don't want to have another thing to have to deal with for a prolonged amount of time, nor do I not want to be taken seriously. I am worried about trying to get assessed at such a later stage in life and having to give a reason for why the diagnosis would benefit me, and I'm worried that I'll go through 1-2 years of waiting to be told I'm normal.
The last three years have been incredibly tough for me and because of this I've been doing a lot of soul searching and have spent a lot of time looking back at my life and my behaviours and trying to work out what I'm comfortable with and why I have always felt slightly different to others. It's almost like it's dawned on me the reality of what it could be. Autism runs in my family on one side and Asperger's on the other, but those diagnosed are male and from a surface level you can tell they are further along the spectrum. I think I've always tried to fit in and behave in a way that's expected to mask myself as normal, but deep down I've always felt different and uncomfortable in situations that most people feel fine in. It's almost becoming more transparent as I get older and have to fit in around other adults and work expectations.
It was actually recently when I was watching Christine McGuinness's documentary about autism in girls and women that I had a bit of a shock to the system, lightbulb moment. Since then it's spiralled and I've put two and two together with SO many of my traits and behaviours. It was when Christine met Leanne and her mum mentioned the small sensory issues Leanne experienced as a child, including wearing her socks inside out because she couldn't bear to feel the seams of her socks in her shoes. I used to have meltdowns on the way to school if I could feel the seams of my socks, and my mum had to buy me seamless socks. To this day I can't bear when my socks or tights twist in my shoes and I can feel the lumps and bumps. I'm constantly readjusting them or my clothing and making sure what I'm wearing is comfortable, otherwise it's all I can think about. Anyway, it's a small thing but it was the start of me looking at a lot of other sensory issues and behaviours and now I'm where I am. I've taken online autism assessments and they always come out to say I have autistic traits so I should get seen.
So I thought I would write down everything I can think of (off the top of my head) that I'm thinking may be down to potential autism. I'm interested to get your thoughts really. I feel like there's so much more but this was what came to mind for this post.
Oooh, where do we start for you, hun?
Well, you don't have to go through assessment if you don't want. Yep, lists are long! And the process is stressful. It's good enough to self-identify and draw support from us. It's valid and we don't judge.
If you do go through through it, we're for you.
Meanwhile, there's no "further along" on the Spectrum, just differently presented on, and some of us hide better than others.
Do this in your own way in your own time. Sounds like you got a supportive other half, but a lot else on your plate
I was 56 when diagnosed btw. Some folk here older. So never too late.
Hi Kat
Just wanted to wander in and say that lots of the points you brought up resonated with me. I was particularly interested in your comments regarding driving. I passed my test first time in my early 30s but only drove for about 6 months before giving it up for many of the reasons you mentioned. I just found driving and all it entailed far too overwhelming.
I'm not diagnosed. I have booked a private appointment to explore the difficulties I've had all my life.(that's in about 6 weeks time and I'm already feeling incredibly stressed about it) I wasn't going to bother because at my age (62) what difference will it make but sometimes you just have to know! Somebody in another thread also said they felt a diagnosis (for them) might make things easier if they ever have to go into the adult care system. Never thought of that.
Sending you good wishes on your autism and fertility journey
Hi there, regarding your list a lot of those points are autistic traits.
Autism is unique for each individual, so some traits one person has might not be the same as another person.
It might be a good idea, to look on this very website, have a browse and do some google searches, you might also find some info on coping mechanisms. There are also some youtube videos made by autistic women that may interest you, just have a wee browse on youtube for those.
I got my diagnosis privately: costs vary, it can be expensive. It was a positive experience for me getting that diagnosis.
Im so sorry i got that terribly wrong. I hope all goes well wiith your fertility treatment x
Im not a professional, nor have i had a diagnosis yet but i could have written a lot of what you have said myself. Despite not yet having a duagnosis, i have come to accept that i have an ASD. This acceptance has helped me a lot. To go easy on myself. For me a diagnosis will give me relief. Relief from wondering why oh why have i struggled all my life with certain things. So that when i gave a melt diwn i kniw it is exactly that and dont need to rush to see the doctor, as i kniw it will pass. I gave stopped battling with myself. Started being true to myself more and mire open with others if i dont want to do something. I could go on andbon. Go easy on yourself. As you are expecting a baby, whu not put your name on the waiting list for an assessment and just wait and enjoy your new baby. X