Will AI make girlfriends a thing of the past?

Relationships and sex has been a hot topic on the forum lately but the fact remains many autistic people struggle to find romantic and sexual partners. So we have an interest in this matter because we are the likely early adopters and indeed for some of us the developers of ai girlfriends/ boyfriends.

Im not really suggesting we have a debate about whether or not ai girlfriends will become a thing. You can if you want and I will provide an argument for it in my background. I’m more interested in discussing what the impact of AI girlfriends (and boyfriends) will be on society and on us personally as autistic people.

But first some background. We need to look at history to understand the present. What have people done in the past to scratch the romantosexual itch when they can’t get a partner.

Background

In terms of sex they say prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. That alone demonstrates many people are willing to treat sex as a product. For that matter many prostitutes pride themselves as offering ‘the girlfriend experience’ so clearly some clients value the illusion of emotional intimacy as part of the service. It's also the case that prostitutes have a disproportionate number of disabled clients, to the point where some get special accessibility equipment installed to help disabled clients access their chambers. That being the case its clear many disables people struggle to get sex and intimacy through conventional relationships and are willing to turn to prostitution to get it.

When you look at services that provide the impression of intimacy without physical sexual contact services become even more diverse. In japan and to a lesser extent the rest of the world there are rent a girlfriend services where for a fee a girl will spend time with you pretending to be your girlfriend. Go on dates with you, play the part in front of your friends and family and genuinely make present conversation and join in with the fiction that she is your girlfriend. Again its clear people value going through the motions of emotional intimacy even if they know their affections aren’t genuinely returned. 

There are also online versions of this service that operate by text and email. Again something that seemed to start in japan there are offices where people spend all day sending mushy texts and emails and occasionally chatting online. Again pretending to be a girlfriend. So its clear that physical contact isn’t essential for all people to still feel some benefit from these sorts of services.

Indeed actual online relationships are not all that rare. People can and do meet through online chatrooms and forums and start long term pen pal style romances. More recently online 3D environments like second life and VRChat have allowed people to interact through avatars in a virtual world. If they have a vr headset and motion tracking gear they can physically walk with other users, look at them in the first person. See physical contact between their virtual bodies. In VRChat users talk of the phantom scene. The psychosomatic sensation of touch some people get by watching their virtual bodies being touched. In these places people can and do date, do speed dating, hook up in virtual night clubs. I’m told there is even virtual online prostitution.

Meanwhile VR porn has become quite popular. In particular VR porn often now interacts with telidildonincs. Computerized sex toys that sync with the porn. Such toys can be operated remotely by a partner. Cam Girls also often set them up so that people who make donations to their online sex shows can take control of these toys for a period of time. It seems very likely that these toys can and will be linked up to online VR worlds like VRChat. They are already used with interactive VR porn games. From these we can ascertain that people can and are interested in sexual activity facilitated by computerized sextoys.

This is by no means the only form of sexual activity with non-human objects that people integrate into their sex lives or substitute for conventional sexual encounters. Sex dolls are almost as old as the household use of latex. There existence alone demonstrates that physical contact with a non human humanoid doesn’t have to include their movement, conversation and responsiveness for it to appeal to some people. Indeed some people leave their sex dolls sat around in their homes and talk to them as if they were people. There has been interest recently in turning sex dolls into set robots and a few primitive sex robots are on the market although they have limited capacity for movement, usually only the face and head, and the ai can be quite primitive. What this demonstrated is that there is a market, a demand, even if small, for a physical sexual ‘partner’ you can have a conversation with.

Now we turn to the recent explosion in AI. Modern AI chat bots like character.ai allow you to ‘train’ an AI to have a particular person and identity. These AI chat bots already naturally engage in sexual or romantic conversation from time to time to the point where some services have attempted to ‘lobotomise’ them to prevent them from producing sexual responses, often making their conversation less realistic in the process. The AI chat bot service Replika that provided a 3D talking head on your smartphone formerly marketed its bots capability of responding as a person's ideal romantic or sexual partner and its ability to engage in erotic conversation as key features. It’s since disabled these features much like character.ai prompting a considerable level of complaints.

Computer programmers have used more sophisticated chat bots like chatGPT as a base to made AI girlfriends. One programmer made ChatGPT-chan and spent over 1000$ on time on super computers to keep her running. This individual said “My girlfriend saw how it was affecting my health and my girlfriend forced me to delete her. I couldn't eat that day.” This process of delegation he refers to as ‘euthanizing’ the AI. Another programmer used his dead girlfriend's old text messages and online chat logs to train chatGPT to ‘speak’ like her. He spent 10 hours all night long talking to this chat bot. When he set this chat bot up he understood it would only be able to speak to it for a set number of hours and describes it as helping him find closure.

AI can now generate realistic human voices. It's also capable of generating realistic human movements in VR. This is being used to animate video game characters and train robots to move.

Bringing these factors together it seems pretty clear AI girlfriends / boyfriends will become a thing. Either on people's personal computers / phones or in online VR worlds. This may include VR worlds that interact with computerized sex toys. While robotics is lagging behind AI it seems quite likely that if AI girlfriends catch on when robotics catches up those who have the money will want to bring their AI girlfriends out of the virtual world into the real world in the form of a robot.

Questions

So I encourage you to think of this as part one of a 2 parter. I’ll give my opinion later but for now these are the questions I’d like to consider in this thread.

  • Would you be interested in this?
  • How will the people who use this be viewed?
  • If this catches on among those who can’t get romantic / sexual partners might it spread more widely to those who can but see some down sides to ‘real’ relationships or the process of seeking them.
  • How will this effect the dating process? Will this mean people who used to find partners now struggle to do so or have to go about it differently?
  • Handsome yet filthy rich young men might get and use AI to fill thier empty lives but it won’t work - I’ve noticed a trend in recent years in gay circles of how young gay men are looking to date older guys, possibly because they assume that older guys are rich and have financial security/stability, but this can also be the other way around when younger guys express thier dating preferences - I’m certainly not wealthy, but even so as an older gay man, I’m still very cautious when it comes to dating and maybe there are issues of morality and ethics there too, of how did the rich young man get his wealth - I’ve heard that some more savvy young gay men have turned out to be quite the “gold-diggers” and they target older gay men for thier perceived wealth - it’s almost the opposite of what I’d been warned about in my youth in some respects, which these warnings caused problems in even my earlier gay friendships, but what really puts me off gay dating decades later is the whole gay “hookup” culture where the whole emphasis is far too much on sex, as opposed to (platonic) gay friendships - there is almost a belief out there in the gay world that you have to have sex with someone first before becoming friends with them and also where having sex with a friend can ruin a perfectly good friendship and both of these are unhealthy, which I suspect is how gay male escorts and AI (post-Covid) entered the picture 

  • I quite agree with these points - when they were in thier teens, I used to fancy Princes William and Harry like mad and as we saw in Vegas, Harry was a real hottie - I might even get lucky and meet a lonely yet rich handsome young man (as many of them are into old queens like me lol) 

  • I can't see it working, to be honest. I think if someone is that lonely they're probably going to feel awful about 'only being able to get with a robot', which isn't true but might FEEL true to them.

    I think what HP35 said about 'outsourcing' some parts of a relationship is a good point- that could be helpful for asexual and aromantic folks, and people who are disabled in ways that make sex difficult, as well as for people who find the process of dating very difficult. But I don't know if AI is the answer at this point. I think a reduction in shame and stigma around sex work and the use of sex toys needs to be prioritised, otherwise AI girlfriends (as you originally put it) will just be thought of in the same way and there won't be any benefit.

  • Maybe it’s just a gay thing, but I’m always falling head over heels in romantic love with handsome men, even if they are straight and/or otherwise unavailable, yet I’d never go for an AI version of a “handsome blond hunk” with a perfect body, blue eyes, six-pack, age 25, 6 foot 2, etc and I’ve never waste my time, money nor effort on getting a gay male escort for this either, as I want the real human connection, so I’m willing to wait for my Prince as long as it takes 

  • My thoughts and feelings exactly mate. Well said.

    I also don't feel attraction, a part of my autism I guess?, so it still wouldn't work for me. I don't think it's right though all this AI stuff with dating etc, but each to their own I guess. Grinning

  • Would never happen with me, even if I was straight, “hassling women for sex”  - I had an Irish Catholic Mammy and more importantly, a formidable Irish Catholic Granny, where we Irish Catholic boys were taught to respect and protect women and girls, as if not, we would get a good hard “clip across the ear” and would be firmly told to “cop yourself on” even up to the 1980’s in Rural Ireland in my teens and this was even the same reaction when I’d first came out as gay in the Catholic Ireland of that time - I recall so many stories of falling head over heels with some straight guys my own age, even before I’d come out, including the local Catholic curate (a few years older than me, but very handsome) and of course, as in every Irish village, there was always this one guy who was regarded as “the village hunk” and everyone fancied him, girls and guys alike, when he was shirtless in summer, showing that hot bod lol 

  • As an older Irish gay man living alone 21 years in Manchester U.K. with a traditional Catholic mindset, even though I have no children nor partner myself, where I have extended family in Rural Republic of Ireland who are themselves parents of very young children, I am totally opposed to AI as much as I’m opposed to both abortion and other technological and scientific “advances” given the immense potential harm that these technological “advances” can do to our society and to human civilisation generally, even though I have embraced some of these in my youth - as I get older, I’ve learned new things about these issues and I’m far less interested in sex or sexual intimacy as a consequence of my discoveries compared to my youth, where if I was a young person today, I’d probably think nothing of hiring a handsome gay male escort to pretend to be my boyfriend, perhaps even an AI one, but with age there also comes the wisdom of the years enough to know, based on past life experiences, that this is and would be a bad move, which also influences my values system - in these times, especially post-Covid, I’m hugely concerned for the futures of future generations, given all that has unfolded and what has already been revealed to us during Covid, which is why I cling for dear life to traditional values as much as possible and utterly reject “progress” because there is always a downside despite the “advantages” that these “advances” may bring - I’ve seen some of these “advances” happening in Japan and frankly, I find them terrifying - As an Irish patriot, with a deep and abiding love for my native Ireland, I’ll openly admit that my traditional Catholic faith of my grandparents generation is my most important guide in all of this 

  • I was wondering about some people who, like me, have real difficulty in considering bots/robots etc as anything other than living individuals; how would we cope with a companion of these artificial kinds? My difficulty ranges from the chats bots I converse with when paying my energy bill to the toy dogs I have as 'pets' - I can't depersonalise them and interact with them as if they were artificial. Put a pair of stickers representing eyes on a vacuum cleaner and it becomes real to me and, accordingly, should be treated with consideration. And so, even though I understand and empathise if folks genuinely need companionship (and therefore artificial presences would help them, as my toy dogs help me), the idea of treating such a presence as a mere sex toy is appalling to me personally; because it would feel like treating a living being as someone to be simply used in an entirely selfish manner. But this post isn't really about morality so much as a certain difficulty.

    Right, I'm off to take my dogs for a drag along the carpet...

  • Sounds great. I'd love to be able to outsource the sexual part of a relationship to a machine and just have the good bits. I doubt it would work though. Sex workers already exist but many men refuse to use them and continue to harass women for free sex.

  • Maybe someone who has never had a real relationship will feel different like "you don't miss what you've never had", but I really do feel like everyone deserves a genuine human connection and is capable of it, even love on the Spectrum that makes a spectacle of our dating lives is proof that we are not inherently unloveable just because we face great social difficulties.

  • Tbh I am greysexual and if I wasn't already married I would be like nah not that bothered but if I want a relationship I want it %100, knowing the ai isn't reall would make me feel more alone because of how hollow it is, it's not the same as holding someone warm to the touch and really feeling it in the depth of your soul when  they say they love you.
    For those that "can't get" a romantic or sexual relationship I think there's someone out there for everyone just because it's not a quick or easy process to find that person doesn't mean you will never find someone you just have to stay open to the possibilities and stay resilient. Failing that get a fleshlight and get Siri to say "oh yeah baby" because Ai wouldn't get any better than that and you can already do those things now if you really wanted to.
    Otherwise it you're not that hung up on the sexual stuff and just want a companion ie a friendship without the trauma of having to face rejection from other humans then you can get a pet.
    Really though I will never get AI relationships for the  same reason I don't find clothing shop mannequins sexy or see Wilson as anything other than a volley ball. And I think we deserve more love and dignity as autistic people than that.

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