Will AI make girlfriends a thing of the past?

Relationships and sex has been a hot topic on the forum lately but the fact remains many autistic people struggle to find romantic and sexual partners. So we have an interest in this matter because we are the likely early adopters and indeed for some of us the developers of ai girlfriends/ boyfriends.

Im not really suggesting we have a debate about whether or not ai girlfriends will become a thing. You can if you want and I will provide an argument for it in my background. I’m more interested in discussing what the impact of AI girlfriends (and boyfriends) will be on society and on us personally as autistic people.

But first some background. We need to look at history to understand the present. What have people done in the past to scratch the romantosexual itch when they can’t get a partner.

Background

In terms of sex they say prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. That alone demonstrates many people are willing to treat sex as a product. For that matter many prostitutes pride themselves as offering ‘the girlfriend experience’ so clearly some clients value the illusion of emotional intimacy as part of the service. It's also the case that prostitutes have a disproportionate number of disabled clients, to the point where some get special accessibility equipment installed to help disabled clients access their chambers. That being the case its clear many disables people struggle to get sex and intimacy through conventional relationships and are willing to turn to prostitution to get it.

When you look at services that provide the impression of intimacy without physical sexual contact services become even more diverse. In japan and to a lesser extent the rest of the world there are rent a girlfriend services where for a fee a girl will spend time with you pretending to be your girlfriend. Go on dates with you, play the part in front of your friends and family and genuinely make present conversation and join in with the fiction that she is your girlfriend. Again its clear people value going through the motions of emotional intimacy even if they know their affections aren’t genuinely returned. 

There are also online versions of this service that operate by text and email. Again something that seemed to start in japan there are offices where people spend all day sending mushy texts and emails and occasionally chatting online. Again pretending to be a girlfriend. So its clear that physical contact isn’t essential for all people to still feel some benefit from these sorts of services.

Indeed actual online relationships are not all that rare. People can and do meet through online chatrooms and forums and start long term pen pal style romances. More recently online 3D environments like second life and VRChat have allowed people to interact through avatars in a virtual world. If they have a vr headset and motion tracking gear they can physically walk with other users, look at them in the first person. See physical contact between their virtual bodies. In VRChat users talk of the phantom scene. The psychosomatic sensation of touch some people get by watching their virtual bodies being touched. In these places people can and do date, do speed dating, hook up in virtual night clubs. I’m told there is even virtual online prostitution.

Meanwhile VR porn has become quite popular. In particular VR porn often now interacts with telidildonincs. Computerized sex toys that sync with the porn. Such toys can be operated remotely by a partner. Cam Girls also often set them up so that people who make donations to their online sex shows can take control of these toys for a period of time. It seems very likely that these toys can and will be linked up to online VR worlds like VRChat. They are already used with interactive VR porn games. From these we can ascertain that people can and are interested in sexual activity facilitated by computerized sextoys.

This is by no means the only form of sexual activity with non-human objects that people integrate into their sex lives or substitute for conventional sexual encounters. Sex dolls are almost as old as the household use of latex. There existence alone demonstrates that physical contact with a non human humanoid doesn’t have to include their movement, conversation and responsiveness for it to appeal to some people. Indeed some people leave their sex dolls sat around in their homes and talk to them as if they were people. There has been interest recently in turning sex dolls into set robots and a few primitive sex robots are on the market although they have limited capacity for movement, usually only the face and head, and the ai can be quite primitive. What this demonstrated is that there is a market, a demand, even if small, for a physical sexual ‘partner’ you can have a conversation with.

Now we turn to the recent explosion in AI. Modern AI chat bots like character.ai allow you to ‘train’ an AI to have a particular person and identity. These AI chat bots already naturally engage in sexual or romantic conversation from time to time to the point where some services have attempted to ‘lobotomise’ them to prevent them from producing sexual responses, often making their conversation less realistic in the process. The AI chat bot service Replika that provided a 3D talking head on your smartphone formerly marketed its bots capability of responding as a person's ideal romantic or sexual partner and its ability to engage in erotic conversation as key features. It’s since disabled these features much like character.ai prompting a considerable level of complaints.

Computer programmers have used more sophisticated chat bots like chatGPT as a base to made AI girlfriends. One programmer made ChatGPT-chan and spent over 1000$ on time on super computers to keep her running. This individual said “My girlfriend saw how it was affecting my health and my girlfriend forced me to delete her. I couldn't eat that day.” This process of delegation he refers to as ‘euthanizing’ the AI. Another programmer used his dead girlfriend's old text messages and online chat logs to train chatGPT to ‘speak’ like her. He spent 10 hours all night long talking to this chat bot. When he set this chat bot up he understood it would only be able to speak to it for a set number of hours and describes it as helping him find closure.

AI can now generate realistic human voices. It's also capable of generating realistic human movements in VR. This is being used to animate video game characters and train robots to move.

Bringing these factors together it seems pretty clear AI girlfriends / boyfriends will become a thing. Either on people's personal computers / phones or in online VR worlds. This may include VR worlds that interact with computerized sex toys. While robotics is lagging behind AI it seems quite likely that if AI girlfriends catch on when robotics catches up those who have the money will want to bring their AI girlfriends out of the virtual world into the real world in the form of a robot.

Questions

So I encourage you to think of this as part one of a 2 parter. I’ll give my opinion later but for now these are the questions I’d like to consider in this thread.

  • Would you be interested in this?
  • How will the people who use this be viewed?
  • If this catches on among those who can’t get romantic / sexual partners might it spread more widely to those who can but see some down sides to ‘real’ relationships or the process of seeking them.
  • How will this effect the dating process? Will this mean people who used to find partners now struggle to do so or have to go about it differently?
Parents
  • I can't see it working, to be honest. I think if someone is that lonely they're probably going to feel awful about 'only being able to get with a robot', which isn't true but might FEEL true to them.

    I think what HP35 said about 'outsourcing' some parts of a relationship is a good point- that could be helpful for asexual and aromantic folks, and people who are disabled in ways that make sex difficult, as well as for people who find the process of dating very difficult. But I don't know if AI is the answer at this point. I think a reduction in shame and stigma around sex work and the use of sex toys needs to be prioritised, otherwise AI girlfriends (as you originally put it) will just be thought of in the same way and there won't be any benefit.

Reply
  • I can't see it working, to be honest. I think if someone is that lonely they're probably going to feel awful about 'only being able to get with a robot', which isn't true but might FEEL true to them.

    I think what HP35 said about 'outsourcing' some parts of a relationship is a good point- that could be helpful for asexual and aromantic folks, and people who are disabled in ways that make sex difficult, as well as for people who find the process of dating very difficult. But I don't know if AI is the answer at this point. I think a reduction in shame and stigma around sex work and the use of sex toys needs to be prioritised, otherwise AI girlfriends (as you originally put it) will just be thought of in the same way and there won't be any benefit.

Children
  • I can't see it working, to be honest. I think if someone is that lonely they're probably going to feel awful about 'only being able to get with a robot', which isn't true but might FEEL true to them.

    Isn't that equally true for a prostitute or rent a girlfriend? Even more so because the human being can't possibly keep up the act long term unless it's in very small doses where as the AI will just get better with more data and more time with their owner.

    Like imagine you had enough money (and the inclination) to employ a full time personal prostitute. Available 37 hours a week for you personally. Spending time with you would dominate her waking life. Eventually she'd probably either come to hate you and quit or develop real feelings of connection with you. Theres no way a human being could keep up the act of loving and desiring you for that long. Even if they tried eventually you'd notice their heart wasn't in it and you'd feel bad about it (or at least I hope you would) because now most of their life revolves around faking affection for you. AI on the other hand, it's entire existence is an act, a performance, with nothing more substantial behind it.

    Both the prostitute and the AI are only with you because of money. But with the AI there is no moral conflict as to whether the AI is harmed. And the AI will be able to keep it's mask on forever because it's 100% mask. In fact it will probably get a lot better over time where as a prostitute might grow disinterested or tired.

    I think a reduction in shame and stigma around sex work and the use of sex toys needs to be prioritised, otherwise AI girlfriends (as you originally put it) will just be thought of in the same way and there won't be any benefit.

    I think most people would simply not tell their friends and family they have an AI girlfriend. I suspect they'd say they had an online girlfriend maybe in a distant country. Their IRL friends would think it perfectly normal they never met the online girlfriend. The Online friends actually could meet the AI Girlfriend, if she's programmed not to tell people she's an AI. They would assume she is 'real.' I think by virtue of AI girlfriends not being humans with rights / needs etc and also because at least for now nothing around the use of an AI girlfriend is illegal there will be less stigma and shame around having an AI GF compared to using a sex worker. As for benefit, benefit is subjective. For many the benefit might be that it's more accessible and available or that they have fewer moral concerns using an AI as opposed to a sex worker / rent a girlfriend.

  • Handsome yet filthy rich young men might get and use AI to fill thier empty lives but it won’t work - I’ve noticed a trend in recent years in gay circles of how young gay men are looking to date older guys, possibly because they assume that older guys are rich and have financial security/stability, but this can also be the other way around when younger guys express thier dating preferences - I’m certainly not wealthy, but even so as an older gay man, I’m still very cautious when it comes to dating and maybe there are issues of morality and ethics there too, of how did the rich young man get his wealth - I’ve heard that some more savvy young gay men have turned out to be quite the “gold-diggers” and they target older gay men for thier perceived wealth - it’s almost the opposite of what I’d been warned about in my youth in some respects, which these warnings caused problems in even my earlier gay friendships, but what really puts me off gay dating decades later is the whole gay “hookup” culture where the whole emphasis is far too much on sex, as opposed to (platonic) gay friendships - there is almost a belief out there in the gay world that you have to have sex with someone first before becoming friends with them and also where having sex with a friend can ruin a perfectly good friendship and both of these are unhealthy, which I suspect is how gay male escorts and AI (post-Covid) entered the picture