By not making them social. Don't get me wrong I'm amiable with my work colleagues but I don't get too involved. My social life seems to have a way of imploding periodically. I wouldn't want blow back effecting my work life possibly jeopardising my income ... if i had any income.

Anyway it's always been my position that social spaces are places to act unprofessionally. If I have to act 'like a grown up' when I socialise then I don't want to socialise there.

In the office there are 4 people who i consider genuinely 'nice' people, she is one.  Problem being, i have absolutely no idea how anyone sees me. It could go from the tolerance due to having to work with me even though they want me to f off, to, 'he's a nice chap, i wonder if i've pissed him off because he isn't talking to me'.

I have no clue - and if i guess wrong, am i risking getting fired.

Good question Ree.

Any professional worth their salt is honest and forthright with their questions and their answers.  Accordingly, I do the same.

What I look like, how I express myself, doesn't seem to matter too much.   A truly "professional" interaction is a transactional exchange....if all parties can understand what each other mean, it should be easy.

One problem these days is that "professional" has little meaning.  We hope that professionals we meet will be experienced, competent and astute......they are not always so (in my experience.)

I think I have it OK easy communications with certain humans, and wholly dysfunctional ones with others.  The term "my sort of people" is very real to me - irrespective of how or why I need or want to communicate with them.

While I cannot offer much advice, I can help with validation.  I have been working for 25 years.  Four of those years were in the US Marine Corps.  The other settings were office work, university, hospital, mental health counseling, and philanthropic non-profits for both civilian and military populations.  The settings I have been able to manage the social arena effectively have all been military-related.  I think this is because military social culture is quite accommodating to autistic characteristics.  People are stoic, forced to socialize with each other, goal-focused, collective orientation, thick-skinned, and generally welcoming of each other due to camaraderie and diversity.

In the civilian settings, things have been more difficult.  I could not make one friend in the office positions as I somehow upset everyone, was too weird or blunt.  The hospital and counseling settings were difficult too.  I usually made only a few work friends, and I believe it's because people tend to be more educated and goal focused in these settings.  However, despite university settings being highly educated, I had difficulty there too.  I believe that it's because the output of university work is vague.  What's the material product when teaching a class and how can it be measured?  It's possible, but not as clear or frequent as improving a patient's health on a daily basis.  University setting are thus unexpectedly political.  The best civilian settings I have worked is still the university, but entirely online were socialization isn't expected.  Here, I control my own schedule to accommodate burn out and rarely interact with co-workers aside from quick work-related emails.

The one thing that has helped me is to find the good people.  There are good people everywhere, so I would gravitate towards them.  While in grad school, I had 4 professors that took me in as their own and would protect and guide me.  In the hospital, there were good people that saw me for what I was, and would also protect me from harm.  These weren't friends.  Instead, they were almost like parents or older siblings.  That has been the most helpful adaptation I have been able to implement.

So i thought i was unintentionally rude to a colleague. I apologised and she said that if she had been offended, i would have seen it on her face. So i told her i am autistic, and no, i really wouldnt.

It is now crazy awkward .. which is likely more me than her. I just have no 'kin idea how to navigate this .... and if i get it wrong, i get fired!

I am not a people person, and she was one of only a few i actually like ... 

Do i try and say something and maybe make it worse, or do i just .. i dont know...

Im completely lost.

Very helpful. Thank you 

I had many years as a Service Desk manager having to meet suppliers, end user with requests or complaints and all sorts of people wanting something from my team so have plenty of experience with this.

My solution was to get some books on making small talk and use these to build a mental list of things to talk about and practice the art of asking people more about the things they are interested in so that they carry the conversation as much as possible.

I always would try to set expectations at the start of anything work related - ie get the work stuff out the way first then we can chat, or (better) you can get some time back in your day to not have to spend it speaking with the propeller heads in IT.

With the ones you meet more often, pay attention to what they talk about and ask for updates, or at a stretch, ask for advice on something they have a special interest in. This should get them going for a while and you just need to listed and feign an interest.

When there is some subject being talked about that is likely to be sensitive then don't say anything, just listen and if they ask why you are not expressing an opinion, just say you are taking it in and processing.

Ultimately you are highly likely to need to mask at work when dealing with others professionally so learn how to do it well, and try to create a working environment for the rest of the time when you can be more authentic.

We are on the 10% or so of the population who have these sorts of issues and to expect the other 90% to adapt to us would be impractical I think, so in the occasions where we do have to engage with them, lets arm outselves with the tools to survive.

That would be my take and advice.

i dunno, i feel this but i feel i am the fake instead.

i want to be a people pleaser, a friend to all... but yet thats hard when they are not friends with each other. its also hard that i do what im told and am a bit of a yes man in that, so someone tells me something, then another person asks me something then i tell them what they asked even if its something someone else told me, which then yeah you piss off the other person lol

ill probably learn, but in learning id probably end up not saying anything at all and not knowing when i should do or speak what im asked so then id be pissing people off by not responding or seemingly keeping secrets from them or lying to them. of which i cant do very well as its pretty obvious when i lie as i hesitate as i have a moral fight in my mind as to whether its ok to say or not say the thing with a obvious weight towards telling the truth or saying what they want to hear. although sometimes the truth isnt actually what they want to hear which makes it more confusing but im generally more wieghted to the truth with a assumption that in the long run people will appreciate the truth no matter how hard it hurts.

anyways i think people are ok with me like that anyway... probably... because they know im pretty vocal and have their backs against the boss and company and have fought everyones side for their rights and put myself out there for everyone enough for them to probably forgive any social slip ups lol

How do you manage professional relationships?

Poorly.   .... for the reasons stated ...