Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone, it's me with a question again.
I find professional relationships very hard. The main reason is because I feel that they seem so fake to me.
Small talks? People who don't really know me or care about how I feel nor have time to hear my real answer still ask me "how are you today?", "How was your weekend?".
Lunches and team activities?. People whom I don't know but I can't actually get to know or ask personal questions because we are just colleagues and not friends. Still it's expected to find something to talk about for more than an hour?!. Most topics in that setting don't interest me and seem superficial.
Team work? Ok, that one is easier because we actually talk about work and it fits our relationship description "colleagues" and it doesn't seem like a superficial talk, but they confuse me at times when they change their opinions about the same thing or it comes across as if they want to push their views and opinions over others. I become very unmotivated to share my view because I know that most probably eventually it won't be applied anyway and it's just waste of my power and energy.
Sometimes I say things that cause their face expressions to suddenly dramatically change. I spend hours trying to figure out where the misunderstanding was. In one occasion they were talking about an awful accident and I found something about it funny and I started laughing and everyone looked at me as if I'm a psychopath. I'm actually hypersensitive and have overwhelming high empathy.
The style of talking as using formal sentences and professional words to sound smart and so on. Dressing in an office suitable manner which is so damn superficial because it serves no real cause other than sounding and looking in a certain way even if it doesn't reflect your true self in anyway. I can't present myself as a professional. I can present myself as Ree...
How do you manage professional relationships? Any tips on how you make it true to yourself and not exhausting while thriving in professional relationships?
By not making them social. Don't get me wrong I'm amiable with my work colleagues but I don't get too involved. My social life seems to have a way of imploding periodically. I wouldn't want blow back effecting my work life possibly jeopardising my income ... if i had any income.
Anyway it's always been my position that social spaces are places to act unprofessionally. If I have to act 'like a grown up' when I socialise then I don't want to socialise there.
that sounds like a good idea.
Yes but also lonely. Once people get past their 20s it seems like most people make friends through couples stuff and work stuff. Since I don't do so through work and I don't have a GF that leaves me trying to make friends the way I did in my 20s. Not that I mind I still prefer those activities. But the age gap does feel like an issue in terms of being welcome and accepted.
I agree. I'm rarely as happy as when I'm sharing my hobbies and interests with others who share them and generally not acting my age. Alas there comes a point where at best others tend to view you as a man child and at worst as some sort of weirdo, 'creep.'
Like why else would you possibly be hanging around in a club where almost everyone is half your age. (so they say) Couldn't possibly just because you are mega passionate about the hobby and find it hard to make connections with people you don't share interests with.
I've made friends with people from 20s up to 70s through shared hobbies. Connections seem to happen automatically if you keep going along to the same thing every week. Granted I find it easier to have the energy to do those activities since my work doesn't involve any social contact.
The majority of people I've ended up close to are autistic, interestingly, despite the groups I met them in being open to everyone.
I see no reason to change the way I make friends. If my 74-year-old friend is still making friends through her hobbies, I don't see why I won't be able to when I reach that age.