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What I'd be like if I wasn't masking - a mess of contradictions

Billy87
over 1 year ago

Got to the point, particularly at work, where I don't know what's masking and what's me any more. I'm just trying to survive at work without a complete mental breakdown

I feel like I'm a mess of contradictions so I don't fit into anyone's box, even on here sometimes

I'm quiet and sensitive and I like nature and talking to ducks and wildlife. I like cuddly animals and collect hundreds, they're like friends to me. I love writing stories, and reading 

I'm also really sporty and love being around sporty, blokey guys and bantering about football and other stuff 

I feel like whoever I'm with I can only show one side of me and have to hide the other side, it's very confusing 

I'm feeling very low at the moment 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I don't think anything is wrong with liking all of those things, and you shouldn't feel like you have to hide. Even if people don't enjoy the same things as you, if they're good people they can still appreciate that you enjoy it.

    I have a lot of really varied interests, and have a new hyperfixation every other week. I'm sad that you feel you have to fit in any box, but I also relate to the feeling too. It's easy to say on paper that its better to be yourself, but it doesn't always feel that way.

    I don't want to overstep or assume, but it seems you might be a bit at odds over these differing interests because they are generally depicted as opposite sides of a spectrum? Like if you enjoy one of these things you aren't supposed to or allowed to enjoy the other, which is totally dumb and nonsensical.

    There are people out there who will enjoy you and your interests because they're yours and what you like, even if they don't have that specific interest themselves. If we were all the same it'd be pretty boring, and it can actually be really interesting to learn about someones passions you don't share.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    I don't think anything is wrong with liking all of those things, and you shouldn't feel like you have to hide. Even if people don't enjoy the same things as you, if they're good people they can still appreciate that you enjoy it.

    I have a lot of really varied interests, and have a new hyperfixation every other week. I'm sad that you feel you have to fit in any box, but I also relate to the feeling too. It's easy to say on paper that its better to be yourself, but it doesn't always feel that way.

    I don't want to overstep or assume, but it seems you might be a bit at odds over these differing interests because they are generally depicted as opposite sides of a spectrum? Like if you enjoy one of these things you aren't supposed to or allowed to enjoy the other, which is totally dumb and nonsensical.

    There are people out there who will enjoy you and your interests because they're yours and what you like, even if they don't have that specific interest themselves. If we were all the same it'd be pretty boring, and it can actually be really interesting to learn about someones passions you don't share.

Children
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Goblin

    Thank you Goblin you really get it!

    Goblin said:

    I don't want to overstep or assume, but it seems you might be a bit at odds over these differing interests because they are generally depicted as opposite sides of a spectrum? Like if you enjoy one of these things you aren't supposed to or allowed to enjoy the other, which is totally dumb and nonsensical.

    That's exactly it! That's what I meant by fitting into a box, people define each other by catagories and I dont seem to fit into any of them so it leaves me a bit lonley and friendless unless I mask pretty hard.

    I feel like Sporty people would laugh at me for my sensitive side and more arty sensitive people get put off by the sporty, bantery side.Both have happened to me in the past. Leaves me a bit stuck in the middle and alone. I wish everyone could just be taken for what they are