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When you get 1 or 2 people that treat you differently at work?

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Right, it's not in a rude way or anything, it's good their treating me like that and it isn't if that makes sense, I'm one of the lucky ones I feel that I even have a job with aspergers and OCD linked together with me. I am a apprentice their and dealing with administration and I'm 22, it's just that I know someone who also started roughly the same time as me, she isn't a apprentice though, but it's just one or 2 people in the workplace treat me differently like being in a really soft pitch tone of voice to me, it's like they treat me as if I am not my age like I'm years younger! I do appreciate the way they support my disability and all that understanding that I can't understand what people mean and what they are saying easily but I don't want to be told like today to calm down, don't panick, don't run etc, I find that quite annoying because I wasn't panicking or anything, I just like to get the job done and I am always full of motivation when I'm doing my job cos I love it so much. I don't see that lady speaking to the other girl who's a simular age group as me, she's 23 but I notice the tone of speech is different like she gets treated as a adult. I know they are doing this to reassure me and keep my anxiety down, but it's really hard for me not to be quite annoyed with it sometimes.

Ever since I found out I have aspergers, I do understand that the way I understand things isn't as good as normal people, and I just find it hard to understand mostly everything else that I don't know about, like when my colleuges talk about events like bike rides, my brain just gets lost cos I don't know what to say back as I couldn't take in all the information. It's just difficult for me to fit in and understand things if they are not explained as clearly and slowly as possible.

  • There are two versions of Hawk's question and now two runs of answers, but that might very well be useful.

    I would caution Hawk tackling it this way as our lack of visual input to dialogue means we aren't necessarily good at responding in a confident, clear, sharp way, because we don't accompany it with the appropriate facial expression and inflexions. Therefore that tactic could do more harm than good, or could simply be read by Hawk's colleague as further evidence justifying the way she addresses him.

    NTs do seem to decide to be difficult witrh people who don't appear to know or manage the rules of good social interchange. It all becomes a bit of a game, and she probably thinks she is smarter, and doesn't understand your social engagement is part of your disability.

    Do you know in what ways, and to what extent your autism has been explained to your colleagues by management?

    This is a recurrent problem in higher education contexts. Students think that because they've disclosed their disability to the disability staff at student services, their lecturers know all about their disability.  Wrong.

    Most communications about disability in universities are governed by confidentiality - need to know.  Disability support teams often assume that a lecturer's need to know is limited to a few specifics on a needs form sent to year tutors only, with the instruction not to disclose to others.

    So a student sees a lecturer about difficulties he's experienced in a recent class and is puzzled the lecturer doesn't seem to understand. Occasionally it clicks the lecturer doesn't know anything about it. Usually this goes on for months with nobody realising the student expects help that the lecturers haven't been told about.

    Likewise in most employment situations. What your work colleagues have been told is probably as useless as "chinese whispers".

    It might be on the lines that you need to explain things to hawk very slowly and concisely because he's got autism, that well known learning disability.

  • Maybe you could take her to one side and tell her you feel she may speak a little differently to you which makes you feel self-conscious because it's not necessary, you would prefer she addresses you exactly like she does your peers.  She may not even be conscious she's doing it.

    I could draw a parallel.  I was once abroad, and some English people thought I was from that country as I don't really look typically English.  They started speaking to me really slowly, exaggerating the shapes of the words and doing hand signs so that I would understand.

    I just looked at them, and answered in very eloquent English and they were so embarrassed at their mistake and the friends of the the person who did it made fun of them for it.

    Perhaps next time she addresses you in that voice, you could respond in a confident, clear, sharp (not terse, sharp as in clarity) tone so that she is (without anything being said) made aware that there is lack of balance in the communication, so you are saying it without words.