Published on 12, July, 2020
Unless it’s because I’m male or something. I certainly seem to have been discriminated against.
In 2019, people made false accusations about me and got me kicked out of a netball club in Stirling.
I tried to find another netball club, but the netball clubs I contacted were all reluctant to tell me anything about themselves, and when I asked further questions about them they just stopped replying or whatever. I also contacted the netball club in Stirling about rejoining, because their constitution says I can ask to rejoin at the next general meeting. They ignored me.
I contacted Netball Scotland, and asked them to investigate why I was being treated the way I was by these 4 netball clubs, and was told they’d investigate it.
I turned up at 1 of the netball clubs (they’d told me they weren’t playing because of the Covid 19 pandemic, and they’d tell me when they started playing again, but never did tell me), and played netball with them anyway. I literally only played there 6 times before they found an excuse to get me suspended by Netball Scotland!
In September 2022, I had the police at my flat, saying that I’d contacted someone at netball saying I need some new friends, and asking me not to contact her again. Then the next day, I got an e-mail saying I’d been suspended from Netball Scotland. They didn’t even say anything about why!
Eventually I found out that the reason I was suspended was, among other things, that I’d allegedly “communicated with a club member, Christina [surname removed by mod], that was uninvited and persistent which placed her in a state of fear and alarm”. I’d sent her 1 message on facebook, she’d replied, and then I replied to her message; and I’d only asked perfectly normal things like “How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?”
1 of the other reasons for the suspension was that I’d chased Natalie up about her investigation about netball clubs not wanting me to join. I’d supposedly failed to show her respect.
This post’s getting a bit long, so to cut a long story short, I had a hearing in March 2023 about it. And all the complaints against me were upheld, and I’ve been suspended by Netball Scotland for 5 years!
They haven’t answered any of my questions such as “What’s wrong with being friendly?” or “What’s wrong with doing to others what I would have them do to me?” or “What’s wrong with asking Natalie to do her job?”.
What happened at Stirling was brought up to demonstrate a “pattern of behaviour”, but nobody even told me what this pattern of behaviour was. The accusations there were completely different.
I’d put a complaint in about Natalie not having done anything about her investigation. Is this the real reason I’ve been suspended?
Oh 2 other questions that have never been answered are “Would I have had the same reaction to contacting Christina if I was a woman?” and “Would I have had the same reaction to contacting Christina if I didn’t have Asperger’s syndrome?”
So I seem to have been discriminated against.
How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?” would cause alarm to a person.
Asking someone where they live, that gives someone the impression that you would turn up at their doorstep, that is what people would think getting a question like that. They have not understood your condition and that you think that you were being friendly. It would be good for you to see a counsellor as soon as possible, to help you understand why that was frightening to her. This will help you not repeat that error again with other people.
Why not phone the Autistic Scotland line for help and advice as well as perhaps a recommendation for a counsellor who knows about your condition? Work out with the counsellor what happened and they will advice you so you can find out if any discrimination actually took place.
Astrid said:How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?” would cause alarm to a person.
Why would asking some one how long they'd been playing netball alarm them? Also tbh where do you live is a question I've been asked at my local church a number of times by strangers. They're not asking, generally, for my address. They want to know what part of the city I'm from or even if I'm from another city. That's a perfectly normal question.
It is the context, she was asked on facebook, that would raise alarm in me if someone did this I would block them. I would be concerned. The people in your church that is different and in a different context
Yet again, when you know for a fact that the person approaching you can overpower you and outsprint you, the feeling is very different. You make no attempt to understand this.
Same. I've given people the benefit of the doubt on this kind of thing dozens of times and ever time they've turned out to be a creep.
I understand that. So it might be wise for the person to go to a counsellor on this to understand NTs better and to also go to a law clinic or similar. Thanks Peter. Hope you have a good week
If some people choose to use facebook that way that's their business but since it is a social networking site, and most people use it socially not professionally, autistic people can't be blamed for thinking they are interacting with people who want to be friends when people add them on facebook.
I used to use Facebook for friends and family only. X
some people keep colleagues and associates on their personal facebook, as they perhaps keep it overall professional in their posts and use it mainly for messenger to contact their closest friends and family. That is the good thing, that people can manage facebook and use their own facebook how they wish.
I think it is best not to judge as the situation here might be different, he might or might not have sent too many emails and worded them in a way that seems to be harassment, even if he/she/they did not mean to harrass. Thanks
My policy was not to be friend with colleagues on Facebook
Same, I don't want my work life and social life to overlap too much. I don't want drama in my social life following me to work and becoming something that involves meetings and complaints.
Also if I want to do professional networking I literally have linkedin for that.
My policy was not to be friend with colleagues on Facebook (which I came off after 15 years on this.); they would go around telling everyone about gossip etc. Also local people as I see them in the street.
I do get the odd instagram message requests and follower requests. I've got my settings high. Only accept followers who I know well etc. Used to live in Paranoid land when befriended someone. Anxiety through the roof.
My former friends still messaging strangers online and buying things. 2023 clean slate for me.
I'm sorry but the threshold for freaking out is so low for some people that you can't reasonably be expected to plan for it. Like this one friend of mine. She's lived a sheltered life in the suburbs. Came to uni, walking down the street outside uni on her first day with me a homeless beggar approaches her to ask for money. Not in a threatening way, more a 'please can you spare 20p' kind of way. She freaks out. Some people are just very high strung you can't expect people to tiptoe around them just because of that.
yes, that is true, nevertheless Peter, I would freak out if someone did that to me.
So he has to have that counselling and to contact a law clinic as both will help him in different ways with what happened.
The NT world must make reasonable adjustments for autistic people, that's the law, and it applies to the way they asses and handle complaints about them as much as anything else.
The person that posted needs counselling to work out some things. They need that for themselves and to work some things out so that the counsellor can tell them about things they might have did wrong and work with them on how to face different situations in an NT world.
I know ample people who have associates on their facebooks.
Astrid said:No not true. For example I might have some people that are connected to my hobby of dancing on my facebook, they are associates not friends. people have associates on facebook.
That is not my practice and I can't recall any of my friends ever saying they did this. This strikes me as quite unusual.
Astrid said:We do not know his full story, too many emails etc can come across as harrassment, however he/she/they will need to talk to a counsellor who specialises in his condition to work that out.
And a lawyer. There could be a case in this. And no amount of counselling is going to move an intransigent bureaucrat. Letters from lawyers have been known to.
If I was friends with someone from a club on facebook and he started asking me my where I live I would get freaked out too.
No not true. For example I might have some people that are connected to my hobby of dancing on my facebook, they are associates not friends. people have associates on facebook.
We do not know his full story, too many emails etc can come across as harrassment, however he/she/they will need to talk to a counsellor who specialises in his condition to work that out.
well I'd personally say no one should add their boss on facebook. But the post seems to indicate this is a club member he was communicating with socially not professionally. If she didn't want to be his friend she shouldn't have added him on facebook just because they go to the same club. That said since she did it's reasonable for him to think he was communicating with a friend.
he might know her due to netball, as in a hobby interest and work relationship. No one should message their boss asking where they live even if they are friends on facebook. This is the same sort of think she is an acquaintance rather than a friend
most people can't even be messaged unless you are on their friends list, and most people won't put you on their friends list unless they've met you in person. So what's the difference. If he could have asked her in person it's not like he's a random individual who's just messaged her out of the blue.