Published on 12, July, 2020
Well well.. a very important topic for me.
How to name a feeling is a huge struggle. I could describe myself as a colour blind person who is looking at a very long colour palette. My emotions and feelings are the hundreds of colours in the palette and I'm the person who can't see more than blue, red and yellow and hundreds of shades of grey. Although I'm very sensitive and I know that my emotional landscape is very rich (hundreds of hues in my palette), I can't always name my feeling (recognise the hue for what it is), therefore I don't know how to manage it. An example, although I felt anxious in many situations in my life, I've never knew that this feeling is anxiety until last therapy session when my therapist said "when you feel anxious it's good to think of ...." And I was like "wait a minute, is this what I just described to her now (racing thoughts, restlessness, stomach pain..) is called anxiety? Wow, I finally have a name for this feeling!".. even tho I don't consider names as useful info at all, when it comes to feelings, I think it's important to name them in order to memorize it easily and research how to manage it.
Question here is, is there a book, therapy, technique or anything that would help me recognise and name my feelings? Also, am I now describing Alexithymia? I tend to really relate to others and it sort of feels like I could recognise how others feel more than myself..
I kinda get this. A lot of my tears are frustration or internalised anger at not being able to verbalise my emotions/frustration/anger/hurt at that time. I'd be so interested to know how you learned to break the emotional chain and if there's anything you can recommend?
Exactly... Thank you for sharing
I struggle with the same thing! I was in a therapy session explaining how I felt after spending 4 days at my sister's house. After explaining why I left my sister's place earlier than expected, I said that I'm restless yet tired and my brain feels like it doesn't fit in my head causing a headache. She replied that it's normal to be *frustrated* after that experience. I responded, "What? That's what frustration is??" She said yes, then we had a good laugh about it.
By the way, my therapist is also autistic, and it's awesome. She doesn't mask much in session, which makes me feel so safe to release and be fully autistic. She also understands me on another level.
Sometimes you just have to sit with your feelings and explre them internally for a long while.I used to think I had anger issues, until I realised the Anger was just an expression of Fustration, and the Fustration was born out of being fed-up with feeling Sadness, which was caused by Hurt. Then after I learned to break the emotional chain I felt no anger anymore.
Detective work is exactly how I describe it..
Sometimes what appears on the outside to others is not how I feel on the inside.
I don’t know the answer. I have the same issue.
I was telling a therapist I couldn’t identify my feeling and he pointed out that the tears streaming down my face suggested sadness.
I guess the answer might lie in detective work. Note the clues and then work out the solution.
A lot feel like anxiety! For me anyway!
Thankyou fir your explanation it helps me greatly understand how my son is feeling when he doesn't speak. Meditation is an excellent way to deal with things as its a very gentle and personal way to be more connected with yourself.
Few emotions feel like anxiety?. Oops, so things could feel very similarly to each other! This makes it even more complicated. Thank you for your answer!
Hi Ree, this is something I struggle with and yes it sounds like alexithymia. I like your visual description of a colour palette. For me I struggle with the middle ground but seem to be better at identifying emotions when extreme. Even then I haven't always known what was going on. I also struggle to regulate feelings even when they are positive. I reckon quite a bit of alexithymia comes from a lifetime of masking and ignoring our own feelings as trying to meet everyone else's and society's expectations. There's also poor interoception in the mix. For me I've learned that it's possibly about needing to know for definite what the feeling is before I can label it, or finding the right words. Something which I find difficult is that quite a few emotions feel like anxiety. I also look to others because I don't know myself how to feel in a lot of instances.
I have no magic answers but some things I've found help is understanding what sets some negative feelings off and using logic to deduce. I've learned autistic people have a high intolerance to uncertainty, have a need for things to be right and problems shifting between or being flexible in different states. Theres also understanding how sensory aspects can affect you and demands of life. I also do meditation when I can which has made me more aware of internal workings. You have to be consistent and the changes are not obvious until you notice.
Sometimes just using the word "negative" or "not right" will do and then it comes to me later.