Published on 12, July, 2020
Well well.. a very important topic for me.
How to name a feeling is a huge struggle. I could describe myself as a colour blind person who is looking at a very long colour palette. My emotions and feelings are the hundreds of colours in the palette and I'm the person who can't see more than blue, red and yellow and hundreds of shades of grey. Although I'm very sensitive and I know that my emotional landscape is very rich (hundreds of hues in my palette), I can't always name my feeling (recognise the hue for what it is), therefore I don't know how to manage it. An example, although I felt anxious in many situations in my life, I've never knew that this feeling is anxiety until last therapy session when my therapist said "when you feel anxious it's good to think of ...." And I was like "wait a minute, is this what I just described to her now (racing thoughts, restlessness, stomach pain..) is called anxiety? Wow, I finally have a name for this feeling!".. even tho I don't consider names as useful info at all, when it comes to feelings, I think it's important to name them in order to memorize it easily and research how to manage it.
Question here is, is there a book, therapy, technique or anything that would help me recognise and name my feelings? Also, am I now describing Alexithymia? I tend to really relate to others and it sort of feels like I could recognise how others feel more than myself..
Hi Ree, this is something I struggle with and yes it sounds like alexithymia. I like your visual description of a colour palette. For me I struggle with the middle ground but seem to be better at identifying emotions when extreme. Even then I haven't always known what was going on. I also struggle to regulate feelings even when they are positive. I reckon quite a bit of alexithymia comes from a lifetime of masking and ignoring our own feelings as trying to meet everyone else's and society's expectations. There's also poor interoception in the mix. For me I've learned that it's possibly about needing to know for definite what the feeling is before I can label it, or finding the right words. Something which I find difficult is that quite a few emotions feel like anxiety. I also look to others because I don't know myself how to feel in a lot of instances.
I have no magic answers but some things I've found help is understanding what sets some negative feelings off and using logic to deduce. I've learned autistic people have a high intolerance to uncertainty, have a need for things to be right and problems shifting between or being flexible in different states. Theres also understanding how sensory aspects can affect you and demands of life. I also do meditation when I can which has made me more aware of internal workings. You have to be consistent and the changes are not obvious until you notice.
Sometimes just using the word "negative" or "not right" will do and then it comes to me later.
Few emotions feel like anxiety?. Oops, so things could feel very similarly to each other! This makes it even more complicated. Thank you for your answer!
A lot feel like anxiety! For me anyway!