Autistic Sex Reputation (NSFW)

I experience romantic attraction. Yeah, it sucks when it's not reciprocated, but you know what? You get over it. It's not something that causes traumatic flashbacks that reduce you to a sobbing mess. It doesn't cause physical injury. It doesn't infect you with cancer-causing viruses. Unwanted sex is horrific. Not being able to have exactly the kind of relationship you want with a person can sometimes be a little bit sad. They're not equivalent.

It's not always in what you say, sometimes it's in what you don't say, (social abilities on a spectrum strike again it seems)  especially with such an important subject as body autonomy and consent.

Honestly if you both agree that consent is important and it was said earlier this extra getting to the bottom of it may need not have happened. Hence it was perhaps prudent to offer that information up front at the start. That's all I'm suggesting because as I read the replies tumbling down I did suspect a misunderstanding had occured.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

Obviously, but that's not how the way you phrased your replies implied it to be, that's the issue.

You and HP35 seem to have added that subtext in your own mind and I still don't see where you're getting it from (which I find somewhat frustrating)

HP35 said:

But you're not hungry. If you can type, you can satisfy your libido. You are not experiencing an unmet physical need.

I love how this has somehow become about me personally when I was making a point generally.

HP35 said:

If I have a strong unmet desire to cut your leg off with a chainsaw, is it reasonable for me to expect people to feel sorry for me not being allowed to do that?

Your hyperbole are becoming imposable to take seriously.

HP35 said:

Sure, maybe you have some higher-level need

Just because you don't personally feel or comprehend sexual need or romantic needs expressed in sexual terms it doesn't make it less real or less meaningful. Something doesn't have to be relatable to you to be a real issue for other people.

Peter said:

bees (they/them) said:

But does the person act on it? That's the vital information in your scenario that is missing.

You may safely assume for the purposes of my example they do not or at least not to the point of becoming a sex criminal.

Well don't tell me tell HP who has the concern that their autonomy isn't being respected.

Peter said:

bees (they/them) said:

It's not a difficult concept, you must see the connection yourself because it was you that first drew the comparison.

You must be aware that in the majority of cases sexual arousal does not lead to r*pe.

Obviously, but that's not how the way you phrased your replies implied it to be, that's the issue.

And pls don't take this the wrong way but I'm surprised we had this chat considering I thought you said in essence you didn't what to have this discussion again (tho technically this is it's own discussion).

Glad to have at least cleared up some points though.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

But does the person act on it? That's the vital information in your scenario that is missing.

You may safely assume for the purposes of my example they do not or at least not to the point of becoming a sex criminal.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

It's not a difficult concept, you must see the connection yourself because it was you that first drew the comparison.

You must be aware that in the majority of cases sexual arousal does not lead to r*pe.

But you're not hungry. If you can type, you can satisfy your libido. You are not experiencing an unmet physical need. Sure, maybe you have some higher-level need, and, yes, diddums, I'm sure it's very awkward if you like physically hurting people and they don't like you doing that, but I don't see why you're trying to argue that is somehow worse than being the person who is being hurt.

If I have a strong unmet desire to cut your leg off with a chainsaw, is it reasonable for me to expect people to feel sorry for me not being allowed to do that?

Peter said:

bees (they/them) said:

You might be hungry enugh to commit cannibalism in a deser isle situation but I believe HP's point is it is still murder.

And my point is it's pailful to starve to death whether or not the only alternative was canabalism. It can still be painful to be lonely and horny even if the only alternative was to be some sort of sex criminal. The person who is lonely and horny is not less deserving of sympathy because, hypothetically, his only alternative was to be a sex criminal.

But does the person act on it? That's the vital information in your scenario that is missing.

Peter said:

bees (they/them) said:

The implications of this example are that "r*pe is (somehow) acceptable"

How on earth have you reached that conclusion? Did you think my boat example was suggesting cannibalism was acceptable?

read the bit that followed:

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

Peter said:

Personal arousal and the desire for a sexual relationship is not a consent issue. Its more a bodily imperative most people don't even have a choice over.

The implications of this example are that "r*pe is (somehow) acceptable" because desire isn't something you can control if you don't acknowledge that behaviour is something that can be controlled.

It's not a difficult concept, you must see the connection yourself because it was you that first drew the comparison. You are mentioning it in the same post as you mention the cannibalism. So either the two are linked or you are deliberately trying to move the focus away from the point you made. This is the same conversation, we aren't suddenly also talking separately about the next space mission or something.

Autistic people are by nature introverted.
They struggle to communicate their feelings and just " Tag " along.
My answer would be no, not with Autism.
You could always try connecting their BUM to the mains socket and make me eat my words.

then, respectfully, I return my old assertion, that you don't really understand that psychological pain can often be worse than physical pain. Hunger is psychological pain to start with. The 1st 3 days or so don't damage you, but it's painful. Hunger in your belly feels painful. ... But I don't think you get it. It's like trying to explain colour to a blind man.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

You might be hungry enugh to commit cannibalism in a deser isle situation but I believe HP's point is it is still murder.

And my point is it's painful to starve to death whether or not the only alternative was canabalism. It can still be painful to be lonely and horny even if the only alternative was to be some sort of sex criminal. The person who is lonely and horny is not less deserving of sympathy because, hypothetically, his only alternative was to be a sex criminal.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

The implications of this example are that "r*pe is (somehow) acceptable"

How on earth have you reached that conclusion? Did you think my boat example was suggesting cannibalism was acceptable?

Exactly. And given that the speed Peter is typing these replies suggests he probably has at least one functional hand, the analogy isn't even starving to death on a desert island. It's standing in the middle of a well-stocked kitchen bawling "BUT I WANT HUMAN MEAT AND ALL THE MEANIES WON'T LET ME EAT THEM!" and expecting sympathy.

Peter said:

We're not getting into another tortious argument about consent here.

You don't HAVE to but that's where it looked like it was going. My concern is that it would be a shame to have people have to fall out over a misunderstanding and not a genuine point that was made.

Peter said:

No one needs to consent to me or anyone else having a desire for romantic and or sexual relationships. A persons desires is not a thing to which consent applies. If I'm stranded in a boat with another person and I'm starving to death the fact that the only other food in the boat is the other person doesn't invalidate my hunger or the pain of starvation.

The same thing applies to sex. If someone is stuck on a desert island with one other person they don't need that persons permission to be horny. It doesn't invalidate their suffering and pain just because that suffering is caused by some one else's choice not to consent.

I don't see where HP said to the contrary of this tbh. My understanding of HP's point is that despite not having control over how others feel that doesn't mean certain behaviours are moral. You might be hungry enough to commit cannibalism in a desert isle situation but I believe HP's point is it is still murder. Your hunger doesn't give you the right to kill and eat another person, so yes it really does boil down to consent still.

Peter said:

Personal arousal and the desire for a sexual relationship is not a consent issue. Its more a bodily imperative most people don't even have a choice over.

The implications of this example are that "r*pe is (somehow) acceptable" because desire isn't something you can control if you don't acknowledge that behaviour is something that can be controlled.

So yes, it is all coming around to consent again. It just is.

But lets leave it there if you don't want to discuss it. (To my knowledge we have had discussions, but never had an "argument" on the topic, as that implies a fight of some kind which requires a winner and loser.)

Right, but no one needs to feel sorry for you either. Given the choice between feeling sorry for you moping about how horny you are, or feeling sorry for someone who is literally screaming and sobbing from physical pain, I am never going to see you as the victim.

not really. We're not getting into another tortious argument about consent here.

No one needs to consent to me or anyone else having a desire for romantic and or sexual relationships. A persons desires is not a thing to which consent applies. If I'm stranded in a boat with another person and I'm starving to death the fact that the only other food in the boat is the other person doesn't invalidate my hunger or the pain of starvation.

The same thing applies to sex. If someone is stuck on a desert island with one other person they don't need that persons permission to be horny. It doesn't invalidate their suffering and pain just because that suffering is caused by some one else's choice not to consent.

Personal arousal and the desire for a sexual relationship is not a consent issue. Its more a bodily imperative most people don't even have a choice over.

Sorry Peter but that looks like a misconstruement considering the replies have already strayed from the original point. HP's language in that last reply is hyperbolic to prove an emotional point since you are discussing emotions, so it can't be read to be literally about genocides, it's about consent and the right to autonomy. (sometimes it's difficult to read between the lines being autistic, but I just about figured it out myself so) Hope that helps.

If no one is willing to have a sexual relationship with you, then it's not loving or consensual, is it? Hitler saying "oh but I would really like the jews to enjoy and consent to being gassed" wouldn't make his desire to kill them any better, or make his sadness at not being allowed to any more worthy of sympathy.

did you just equate the desire for a loving and consensual sexual relationship with the desire to gas the jews? Do you want to rephrase that point?

This is like saying "oh think of the pain of poor Mr Hitler when he was stopped from putting any more people into gas chambers. He really, really liked doing that and the meanie allies stopped him! He was so upset he killed himself. Why won't you please think of his melancholy longing to torture and kill people, instead of only caring about the people who were tortured and killed. His pain was just as valid as theirs!"

That's exactly what it is. They think we're all going to jump at the chance to be with them because they assume we're too socially and sexually inexperienced to know if they're manipulating or using us.

dunno, never had sex lol
never been pursued as a sex object.

i guess this is mainly NT men going after ASD women? ... this is likely because the NT men cannot get a girl and think ASD women would be easy due to being the type to not socialise and perhaps never had been given the chance to experience sex instead?