Fear getting old as an autistic person?

I'm 31 and I have a terrible fear of getting older. Not because I think getting older is a bad thing, but because I will be alone and I feel I will not be able to cope on my own - I currently rely on my family a lot, especially my mother. Everyone who is important to me in my life is at least 20 years older than me so I know I will likely end up on my own when I'm in my 50's or 60's and that terrifies me more than anything. I don't have any siblings or friends my own age, so whenever I picture my future all I can see is loneliness and anxiety. 

It sounds grim but whenever my mother passes on, I'll be more than ready to leave this life too. I hope that won't happen for a long time (my mother is only 55 after all!) but yeah... that's how I feel.

I'm not sure what "over the counter" sleeping pills you mean. Benzos (not OTC) are the only ones that stand any chance of killing you, although they're much more likely to be successful in combination with opiates. I do plan to include them.

I broke a bone three weeks ago and it's healing up pretty well, actually.

Diabetes is manageable through diet and the medications used to treat it aren't controlled substances, so not difficult to import from clearweb pharmacies.

well technically theres many day to day problems we cant treat ourselves, like hemerhoids, broken bones, diabetes and alot more lol

dark web is probably tricky and too hard to figure out though, over the counter sleeping pills can probably do the job. combined with lots of vodka is you want a bit of a kick to go down with it.

A very common fear, I expect, which can be very intense for us.  I think it's there in the general population but also that we have many additional reasons which compound that fear.  The thing is, much of it is all too realistic, given the state of services.  Health and social care have deteriorated over the years and they probably weren't that great to start with.  And then we have other issues with accessiblity and coping with systems not designed for us.  I've had these all my life, beginning in my teens when I was very limited in life by severe anxiety but couldn't even phone, let alone see a doctor due to that selfsame anxiety!  

Two things I remind myself of and buoy myself up with:

1.  The life expectancy stats, however they were derived, are most likely out of date.  More people are now being diagnosed and many of these will have flown under the radar for years if not decades.  I am the first-identified member of such a family and had no idea either that I might be autistic or that it was associated with lower life expectancy until I got into my 50s.  The stats are horrible, I know, and lots of factors feed into that.  However, in my family we tend to be long lived - well into our 80s/90s - and I know we won't be included in those stats.  So, depending upon your health and background, your individual level of risk may be very different from what the studies suggest. 

2.  There may well be steps we can take to actively reduce those risks, again depending upon our individual health profiles and needs.  Personally I lift my spirits with gardening and improve my mood and health with walking each day and doing a few resistance band exercises.  I've also found that a low carb diet suits me and I monitor any changes on some recently acquired body composition scales (my fat:muscle ratio still isn't great but at least I know about it now).  I find them quite motivational and accurate compared to any readings from the GP's surgery and I use them, along with a cheapo blood pressure monitor, as a kind of dashboard for my health (can't quite believe I've paid attention to my car's dashboard signals for years but never gotten around to this line of thinking before.  Clearly my body is more essential to me than my car).  I basically do as much as I can at home and use the GPs as little as possible. 

Now I'm not, of course, suggesting that the problems aren't significant.  I'm in the role of carer myself and I have considerable fears for the future.  I've just found that I needed to counterbalance this with things that bring me hope and a sense of progress or even just stability.  Due to my chronic health conditions I'm uninsurable too, when it comes to life insurance, so what I do on that score is pay what I would have paid into insurance into my own personal "if-I-get-sick" fund.  As it stands, it won't last long, but I feel more positive having a "buffer zone" that is slowly increasing.  I appreciate, though, that I'm probably in a privileged position to be able to do this.   

I can't say that my anxiety has disappeared.  Again, those fears are realistic, not pessimistic.  But I've shifted my focus and I need to get some pleasure out of the now. 

PS  I'm 60 now and prefer to think about ways in which I can extend the number of healthy years I still have rather than the idea that, because of some studies that might not be representative of people like me, I must be living on borrowed time.  Obviously I could go at any time, but such things have really impinged on my quality of life and so I'm not "going gently"!

It’s something I have been thinking about, I’m 55 and watched my father slowly die from cancer over a two year period. I know that’s not for me, I have always known since I was a child that my life will end my way, it’s not a depression statement, I’ve just always known it’s the logical answer for me. 

I've been surprised by the number of responses to this guys.

We all know the answers lie with the services meeting our needs and we know the needs of the neurotypical elderly are poorly met and ours not at all.

At least I know I'm not alone. I guess we must each try to open eyes a bit while we're here, huh? Then one day the youngsters here might get to grow old with a bit of respect and dignity.

Thanks guys

I pray it never comes to that for you, but I get it.

We need the right care in our own homes, eh?

Age is scary for everyone, naturally. But for us, we know society does not understand how to meet our needs and often isn't willing to. So, it's scarier.

I think this is intense for me now, because I'm watching my parents go through it knowing I am the only support they've got, while I'm in need of and not getting the support myself.

All I can do is my best, I guess.

Identifying with all of that.

The key is in the understanding of the medical professionals, but this is so often lacking. We wouldn't be "suffering from" the environment either, if they got it.

Bless you. I escaped that experience by a hair's breath. Literally, I escaped and hid so they couldn't assess me and thereby avoided hospital.

Yes, I keep going by focusing on what I could do to make things easier for those who come after too.

Something I have thought about alot.Now 53 lost both parents and no siblings, just me and my wife. I know I have maybe 20 years left and I am not going to spend that working hard. At the moment wife and I are on a recon to check out a new area to live. Sell up in Hampshire and move to Lincolnshire and get much less stressed jobs. I am sure I will die of own hand when I nolonger have a quality of life, no care home for me after seeing my mum in one.

I intend to purchase an overdose-level amount of opiates via the dark web if I get a health problem I can't treat myself.

Dawn said:

Where do I go? What do I do?

you know.... that is one thing that kept running through my mind constantly, bugging me... as i sat in my parents house my mind was constantly screaming this question none stop. even after i managed to get myself sorted and leave it sometimes comes back for no apparent reason and i have to shut it up in my head by saying nowhere and nothing an your all settled. but its funny seeing you wrtie that here as if you plucked it from my mind, or your mind perhaps screams it too and its a common natural thought that bombards everyones mind maybe?

Yes. One reason I am getting a formal diagnosis is in the hope it might one day be of use in a medical setting so they know how to treat me, if things improve in that regard. As a physically disabled person I have suffered medical trauma in my diagnosis and treatment for that. So I feel you in fearing every twinge! And I am trying to avoid covid because my disability was caused by flu, but my friends don't all understand and think I am being ridiculous.

We might not suffer with autism, but we certainly do suffer from the environments created by neurotypicals who don't realise how harmful they are! Hospitals are scary. The are too hot and noisy and bright. Sleep is a great healer and very important, but if I am too hot I don't sleep well and have weird dreams, and i can't fall asleep if there are sounds, and the mattresses are probably too hard. And I might not even be near a window! I feel a bit panicky if I can't see outside. But it doesn't help anyone for me to keep listing the scary things...

I can't even have my blood pressure taken without it hurting! And that's manually, it is just about bearable if they are careful, I absolutely refuse to have it done by machine because as well as hurting me they always give an artificially high reading due to the pain and fear!

Hopefully we have nothing to fear and will either not need to go to hospital or that they will get autism friendly wards with all single rooms! With windows that open...

And not be sent to old people's homes!

I am doing my best to look after my health.

I also fear getting old and more unwell. But on the plus side i've taken alot of drugs, eaten loads of junk and drank a stupid amount of alcohol when i was younger so hopefully i won't make 54. I'd like to alleviate many other peoples suffering during the time i have left though...however long that may be.....

I spent nearly 5 years in psychiatric hospitals (i shouldn't have been in them, i was autistic not schizophrenic) and i still have nightmares about them. I was forced to play bingo there too, it was horrible