I was wondering, does anyone else on here relate to not being bluntly honest? I feel like it's such a common autistic traits that i personally do not have, if anything I've been told often throughout my life that I don't say what I actually think enough, but funnily enough I'm actually being really honest when I say I "would love to do" something etc.
I have a leaning to wanting to rip falseness to shreds when people exhibit it towards me. I just don't bow down to it and it results in me being quite rude or straight to the person showing the false or passive aggressive behaviour, depending on the role they have in my life. I also use logic as a weapon when I think something/someone is unjust to me, and that can come across as rude and nitpicky. Only really show rudeness to my Dad or my Partner; other people I hold back from since others aren't part of that circle of familiar people that I can break that norm, but I still feel bad when my dad has unwittingly triggered me to be rude, as I mask a lot around him and struggle to say thanks or sorry, so I just feel lonely-terrible afterwards. The way this honesty-inclination translates to my work self means that I think I'm quite good at challenging protocol, where I think there is something amiss that forms part of the accepted status quo, but the observations I make are few and far between, nevertheless it makes me look good lol because honest critique of the status quo of protocol and processes is recognised positively where I work.
Though, I'm not bluntly honest as I'm too reticent and I've learned too many lessons. I have made some mistakes through the things I've said in the distant past that could be said to be bluntly honest, to the point of being a fool and hurting people, and I didn't think that they should have hurt at the time due to the way I meant them, but I know now that it is the actual rather than intended impact that matters, and that's why I talk in ways that restrict topic - I don't ask people about anything opinion related unless that opinion is harmless, and I litter my speech with pathetic sorries, and diss myself all the time as if to denounce my individuality.
The way this once manifested positively was that my neighbour friend when I was young hid behind a ginnel wall and threw something at the ice cream van as it went by. I just couldn't hide as it was too dishonest to have hidden, so stood up to be seen while he was nudging me to duck below the wall. I've always been open about my mistakes, if it meant doing right for someone who was done wrong at my cost either directly or indirectly.
Unless it is at work and owning up affects my productivity due to feeling bad afterwards, making me question my competency, though at work a lot of the time you are meant to apologise professionally in a way that isn't too emotionally gushing and I don't know what is too much or too little, so I've been self-preservative recently, and say apologies for late replies to emails, whilst subduing the feelings of shame associated, because so long as the message comes across sincerely all is OK. The shame comes whilst approaching the tasks I have omitted to take on in time, which causes them to lapse more overdue, and then more sorrys are due lol!
Sorry for the waffle, it probably went off topic a fair bit.
I have a leaning to wanting to rip falseness to shreds when people exhibit it towards me. I just don't bow down to it and it results in me being quite rude or straight to the person showing the false or passive aggressive behaviour, depending on the role they have in my life. I also use logic as a weapon when I think something/someone is unjust to me, and that can come across as rude and nitpicky. Only really show rudeness to my Dad or my Partner; other people I hold back from since others aren't part of that circle of familiar people that I can break that norm, but I still feel bad when my dad has unwittingly triggered me to be rude, as I mask a lot around him and struggle to say thanks or sorry, so I just feel lonely-terrible afterwards. The way this honesty-inclination translates to my work self means that I think I'm quite good at challenging protocol, where I think there is something amiss that forms part of the accepted status quo, but the observations I make are few and far between, nevertheless it makes me look good lol because honest critique of the status quo of protocol and processes is recognised positively where I work.
Though, I'm not bluntly honest as I'm too reticent and I've learned too many lessons. I have made some mistakes through the things I've said in the distant past that could be said to be bluntly honest, to the point of being a fool and hurting people, and I didn't think that they should have hurt at the time due to the way I meant them, but I know now that it is the actual rather than intended impact that matters, and that's why I talk in ways that restrict topic - I don't ask people about anything opinion related unless that opinion is harmless, and I litter my speech with pathetic sorries, and diss myself all the time as if to denounce my individuality.
The way this once manifested positively was that my neighbour friend when I was young hid behind a ginnel wall and threw something at the ice cream van as it went by. I just couldn't hide as it was too dishonest to have hidden, so stood up to be seen while he was nudging me to duck below the wall. I've always been open about my mistakes, if it meant doing right for someone who was done wrong at my cost either directly or indirectly.
Unless it is at work and owning up affects my productivity due to feeling bad afterwards, making me question my competency, though at work a lot of the time you are meant to apologise professionally in a way that isn't too emotionally gushing and I don't know what is too much or too little, so I've been self-preservative recently, and say apologies for late replies to emails, whilst subduing the feelings of shame associated, because so long as the message comes across sincerely all is OK. The shame comes whilst approaching the tasks I have omitted to take on in time, which causes them to lapse more overdue, and then more sorrys are due lol!
Sorry for the waffle, it probably went off topic a fair bit.
No, you didn't go off topic - this is me all over. I have upset more people in my 62 yers through bluntness which I've always thought of as honesty and straight talking. I run an animal rescue (Sooo much easier to deal with than people), and I apparently upset a vet nurse when I barked questions at her. I have now made the decision to explain to everyone that I'm autistic and my bark is worse than my bite. It seems to work.
I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not - I'm totally bewildered by people saying one thing and meaning or doing something different, that if I tried to play their game, I'd probably incriminate myself and end up in real trouble.
Clearly different methods work for different people, and since being diagnosed, I find I gravitate and am more comfortable with fellow odd bods who accept me and my ways without question or judgement. That may not be the case of course, it might just be that I can't read their facial expressions!
