Autism and bluntness

I'm diplomatic, or at least most of the time.  I am blunt, but I've learnt to not do it much as it always ends up with some sort of trouble.  So if I am blunt to someone, it's because i want to be in that moment.  Maybe they annoyed me in some way or maybe they keep asking stupid questions and need a stupid answer. People are always shocked when they ask if I'm lying to them and I say yes, then they ask why and I explain because they are unable to actually comprehend, deal with or cope with the truth.

It's like the proverbial "Does my backside look big in these jeans?" question.  I got asked that once by someone who did have a rather large backend and she continually harped on, to the point I said "Yes".  I'd had enough after being asked for the 10th time if some random jeans/trousers/outfit accentuated the shape of her rear.  I mean look in the mirror and answer your own question without being so needy.  Needless to say that was the end of us going out together, but I wasn't unhappy at the result either.  I would never ask another person that sort of question because I wouldn't try and fit my big body into clothes deisgned for a thin person.  I have common sense and don't need my hand holding when i do things like buy clothes.

So yes I am blunt, but not always.

No, you didn't go off topic - this is me all over. I have upset more people in my 62 yers through bluntness which I've always thought of as honesty and straight talking. I run an animal rescue (Sooo much easier to deal with than people), and I apparently upset a vet nurse when I barked questions at her. I have now made the decision to explain to everyone that I'm autistic and my bark is worse than my bite. It seems to work.

I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not - I'm totally bewildered by people saying one thing and meaning or doing something different, that if I tried to play their game, I'd probably incriminate myself and end up in real trouble.

Clearly different methods work for different people, and since being diagnosed, I find I gravitate and am more comfortable with fellow odd bods who accept me and my ways without question or judgement. That may not be the case of course, it might just be that I can't read their facial expressions!

My brain doesn't tell my mouth to speak so I think things but don't say them unless prompted. I also know people are easily offended and being blunt isn't often socially acceptable. However  I am quite good at being diplomatic and my speech is very direct. I am more blunt around the people closest to me. Sometimes I am blunt and people think I'm being humorous when it's not the intention. Although I've learned to use bluntness with humour to get what I need.

I find vague people difficult. I have good intution for when people do not mean what they say. I'm learning most people accept things being "up in the air" in many aspets of their lives. This goes against ever fibre of my being but I'm learning to meet this somewhere in the middle.

I know quite a few people who are allistic who do not have a filter and are FAR more blunt than me. Again I think this is one of those things where it's an internal process ("black and white thinking") which may or may not manifest in behaviour.

I really like it though when people are direct and straight to the point. It makes life so much easier. No trying to figure out hidden meanings or confusion. I really like it when people are very honest and direct. It allows me to trust them, because I know they mean what they say- that does mean that they may sometimes say things that upset me or that I do not want to hear. But that's ok. Better to know. And it also means that when they do say positive and encouraging things, they really mean it. It takes honesty to build trust in my opinion. 

I don't know. I don't think I am blunt but maybe people interpret straight/ honest/direct comments as being 'blunt'? I don't know. I do also have the tendency to please though and I often just tend to agree/ say yes as a way of masking. 

I have a leaning to wanting to rip falseness to shreds when people exhibit it towards me. I just don't bow down to it and it results in me being quite rude or straight to the person showing the false or passive aggressive behaviour, depending on the role they have in my life. I also use logic as a weapon when I think something/someone is unjust to me, and that can come across as rude and nitpicky. Only really show rudeness to my Dad or my Partner; other people I hold back from since others aren't part of that circle of familiar people that I can break that norm, but I still feel bad when my dad has unwittingly triggered me to be rude, as I mask a lot around him and struggle to say thanks or sorry, so I just feel lonely-terrible afterwards. The way this honesty-inclination translates to my work self means that I think I'm quite good at challenging protocol, where I think there is something amiss that forms part of the accepted status quo, but the observations I make are few and far between, nevertheless it makes me look good lol because honest critique of the status quo of protocol and processes is recognised positively where I work.

Though, I'm not bluntly honest as I'm too reticent and I've learned too many lessons. I have made some mistakes through the things I've said in the distant past that could be said to be bluntly honest, to the point of being a fool and hurting people, and I didn't think that they should have hurt at the time due to the way I meant them, but I know now that it is the actual rather than intended impact that matters, and that's why I talk in ways that restrict topic - I don't ask people about anything opinion related unless that opinion is harmless, and I litter my speech with pathetic sorries, and diss myself all the time as if to denounce my individuality.

The way this once manifested positively was that my neighbour friend when I was young hid behind a ginnel wall and threw something at the ice cream van as it went by. I just couldn't hide as it was too dishonest to have hidden, so stood up to be seen while he was nudging me to duck below the wall. I've always been open about my mistakes, if it meant doing right for someone who was done wrong at my cost either directly or indirectly.

Unless it is at work and owning up affects my productivity due to feeling bad afterwards, making me question my competency, though at work a lot of the time you are meant to apologise professionally in a way that isn't too emotionally gushing and I don't know what is too much or too little, so I've been self-preservative recently, and say apologies for late replies to emails, whilst subduing the feelings of shame associated, because so long as the message comes across sincerely all is OK. The shame comes whilst approaching the tasks I have omitted to take on in time, which causes them to lapse more overdue, and then more sorrys are due lol!

Sorry for the waffle, it probably went off topic a fair bit.

I bet you have awesome opinions and views ️

Yeah me either lol

If someone asks a question, I will give a honest answer. My wife wrote on my assessment forms that I didn’t have any social filters fitted. A common phrase is, “I can’t believe you just said that.”

I'm blunt when I see injustice/plain lies or if someone is telling me what to do.

I am not blunt at all. This is one of the things that makes me doubt my diagnosis. I am super sensitive with others, because I feel super sensitive to what others say to me. Careful all the time, in fact too careful.

I also don't have a problem reading body language. 

I think I used to be quite blunt but I learned quickly that it is not a trait that is acceptable in NT society. In the end part of my masking became agreeing with the opinions of whoever I was around at the time so as not to stand out. Only now am I learning to voice my own opinions and thoughts on things more. However, I would not say I am blunt as, whatever I say, even if it is not what people want to hear I try and say in a kind way. 

I am naturally quite blunt, but I've been masking a lot for a long time and softening my language is a big part of that, so I'm a lot less direct now than I was as a kid. I don't think it's ALL masking- some of it is just learning how to sound as considerate as I feel- but bluntness is definitely less of a trait for me nowadays than it is for some.

I have made many many enemies by being blunt and honest.

Interesting question. I've spent my life thinking I'm not blunt. My father in law is one of the very few people who would laugh at my bluntness when I spoke to him and it surprised me that he considered me blunt as I've always filtered what I say and on one occasion I chuckled inwardly and thought - good job you don't know what I was actually thinking! :) 

In my case I think my (apparent) lack of bluntness is because I've filtered it all my life and toned it down so I was a more acceptable person. 

I'm not really blunt either. I have an intense fear of saying the wrong thing accidentally, so like you I have also been told I don't say what I actually think enough