Stopping wanting to conform

My response to pressure to conform to societal norms is strangely dichotomised. On the one hand I never felt any need to follow fashions in anything. Though a number of friends in my teenage years smoked, I never once even tried a cigarette. The idea of inhaling smoke from burning leaves just seemed so damn stupid. However, I was always very self-conscious and concerned by what other people thought of me and was, to the best of my ability, a people-pleaser. 

I was quite happy as a child - outside of school, which was a hell for me - but between puberty and my mid twenties was probably the least enjoyable part of my life. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. Into my late twenties and up to my mid thirties I was more confident in being me. I had a settled and enjoyable job and I married at 35, becoming a father at 36. I still felt an, at times, debilitating need to conform to social expectations. After reaching 40 years, and even more so after 50, I became much more comfortable being me and more confrontational with people behaving unpleasantly. Now I am largely indifferent to what anyone, that is any stranger who means nothing to me, might think about me.

My response to pressure to conform to societal norms is strangely dichotomised. On the one hand I never felt any need to follow fashions in anything. Though a number of friends in my teenage years smoked, I never once even tried a cigarette. The idea of inhaling smoke from burning leaves just seemed so damn stupid. However, I was always very self-conscious and concerned by what other people thought of me and was, to the best of my ability, a people-pleaser. 

I was quite happy as a child - outside of school, which was a hell for me - but between puberty and my mid twenties was probably the least enjoyable part of my life. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. Into my late twenties and up to my mid thirties I was more confident in being me. I had a settled and enjoyable job and I married at 35, becoming a father at 36. I still felt an, at times, debilitating need to conform to social expectations. After reaching 40 years, and even more so after 50, I became much more comfortable being me and more confrontational with people behaving unpleasantly. Now I am largely indifferent to what anyone, that is any stranger who means nothing to me, might think about me.