Stopping wanting to conform

When I was 16 I think? I went to college and turned goth and started listening to rock and metal rather than trying to enjoy the mainstream stuff that everyone liked in high school

Oh indeed it was

Exactly the same for me. At home I can be me. I do the "normal act" when I have to be on the phone and also when I go outside among the public.

I think I did the stereotypical thing of turning 30 and running out of fucks to give.

Thank you! I hope it helps a lot of people and shows that we can all get a happily ever after in our lives.

I retired and accepted I am Autistic. Being old and autistic gives me a double reason for me to be myself. However, I still have to remember to "act normal" when necessary. 

Wow what a wonderful, inspiring story! Thank you for sharing that, it is very encouraging 

It takes your life over trying to be like everyone else. I figured that out midway through big school so I stopped that and started enjoying being myself and embraced my little oddities that make me the adorable chap I am.  It worked for the best, lovely girl at school started noticing me because I stood out amongst the others. She came up to my table one lunch and said "Hi. I like your hair. Do you wanna get a sandwich after school?" I'd been going for a spiky haircut trying to be like all the other guys at school but decided I was better off with my normal swept back style. That lovely girl with the brown hair and sparkling eyes is now my wife - not conforming and just being me led to a happily ever after for both of us. Moral: always be yourself because it's the real you people like.

I also feel like more than one person! I think some of it is society pulling against me, now and in the past, but a lot of it isn't even that any more (the people around me these days are mostly OK, thankfully), it's me trying to second-guess what other people/society want and getting it wrong. I think I've mentioned here before my fiancee's view that my attempts at masking (which often leave me seeming "blank" and emotionless) are more off-putting to allistics than I would be if I just let myself be myself around other people, with all my weirdnesses (autistic and otherwise).

I looked on PE as a form of regularly repeated ritual humiliation. 

That was the 1970s mind.  

His comments went right alongside the school games mistress who used to shout at me when I couldn't catch rounders balls and was always last with my pathetic run and used to silently condoned the little despots who captained and picked their teams only to grumble "miss do we have to have herrrrr" and then wrote on my report that "Dawn does not see that PE has any place in school life". ('E' for effort, 'D' for attainment).

No well, ritually humiliating a kid for failing at tasks their disability will never preclude them from achieving does not have a place in any kid's school life.

But like I said, it was the 1970s.  They assumed I just didn't try.  It would never have occurred to them that I am unable to judge where moving objects in space are.

I didn't let it bother me.  I ignored games in favour of French verb conjugations, is all.

I find English people quite like that. No matter what's wrong, if someone asks you how you are you're expected to say "fine" or "ok"

Yes its a shame these places have lost their uniqueness. Camden Market is still good for food though

I grew up near Kensington, used to go to Portabello Road market a lot as a kid

It's a good question and one that I'm not sure I can answer simply because I think I've probably always been a bit of a mixed bag. In some respects, I have always conformed, but in other respects, I haven't.  I do think that when I hit my forties, I started to become increasingly less bothered by what other people thought of me when I didn't conform and try to fit in.

I know what you mean. Life would be so boring if we were all the same. God made us all different and we don't need to try to be like anyone else, just be the unique person we are.
I found working with special needs children made me realise this even more, its almost like they cant help being themselves if that makes sense and it makes me realise we all can be ourselves

Btw I love your name and picture, I love giraffes too. We have had a baby giraffe at our zoo recently and he is so cute

It's really strange...I kind of still want to conform, but now, working with children as I do and seeing how wonderfully unique they all are, and how that uniqueness manages to shine through even when they're trying to conform, I'm starting to realise that the world is beautiful because we're all unique. How boring would it be if we were all the same? Isn't it great that we're all different? I must say it helps that my lovely B has stuck by me through thick and thin (literally!) and loves me for who I am, too.

I was thinking largely of career when I put ‘the next thing’ - but it’s a catch all for many things too 

Chicago is a great city though. A lot to see and do (and eat!). However, the people aren't friendly. If they seem friendly, it's all fake. When you ask them how they are, people just say "great" or "awesome" never admitting they have a problem. The perfection conformity is non-stop, even among friends. I find most English people to be more honest and admit when things aren't "great" or "awesome".

I used to work in Camden years ago, what a shame it's now like everywhere. Same for Kensington Market and the Kings Road.

Shardovan said:

run slightly or fully against the 'should's that bring you all the orthodox things you're supposed to want: Status, money, children, big house, ambition, 'the next thing'. whatever's trendy, any old relationship as long as there is one, and so on

I would add career advancement to that list. I have never understood why people make themselves misrable and stressed just to advance their career. I have seen people give up jobs they are perfectly happy in just because they felt they could not turn down a promotion to advance their career.

Interesting point you make about relationships too. I think there is so much pressure in society to be in a relationship just for the sake of it, even if you are not happy in it

I think it is very hard at school Trisha. The good news is though the older you get the easier it gets to be at peace with yourself and not care so much what the cool crowd think. Hang in there, it gets easier 

Shardovan said:

I suppose a lot of my anxiety comes from being this walking conundrum

I identify with this a lot. I have always felt like a mass of contridictions, almost like two different people in one. It is only now I am starting to figure myself out and find some peace and realise that actually I am just me and have been all along, all it is is that society wants to fit me into neat catagories that I dont belong in so I have accentuated or denied different sections of my personality to fit in with one of those catagories people define themselves in