I'm really hoping someone here has some advice, as I'm unsure what to do next.
Met a lovely new work colleague a few months back, and was really struck by his warmth, fun and calmness (don't know how else to describe it). It happens so very rarely that I met someone that I'm actually drawn to being around, so as soon as I realised this, I found it virtually impossible to talk to him. I just listened, and studied, tried to take in as much information about him as I could.
Last week I decided this was ridiculous and that I would do what I thought a neurotypical would do and suggest going for a chat and a coffee, I couldn't form the words, so wrote down the offer of coffee on a piece of paper with my number, and got a thumbs up in response, so all good, yes? No. I said in the note 'apologies if weird/ inappropriate' (because that is how it felt) and later when I did manage to say something, said the same thing again. This obviously freaked him out, as that evening when he text he wanted to know why I thought it was weird/ inappropriate. Due to work patterns I also hadn't considered how it would look that it would be really hard to have a coffee/ chat in work time, and therefore looked like I was trying to organise something outside of work, but I only realised this afterwards.
So, lots of tears later, I've basically realised that my behaviour and feelings is how I would respond to a special interest, and that by missing out the whole 'getting to know you social chit-chat' build up, to launching straight to the 'coffee' was a mistake, and a very awkward one at that. I just tried to skip a whole social section that I found difficult, but at least I know that now, I guess.
I'm now stuck about how to handle things from here on out, and would really appreciate the opinion of other Autistics:
Do I proceed with efforts to get to know this colleague better, even though how exactly I'm going to have a 'normal' conversation with him when I left so uneasy about even making basic small talk is highly debatable?
Or
Do I apologise profusely for all the weirdness and suggest that we don't bother with the coffee? I made such a mess of the offer that it almost feels like something to try and 'get through' rather than some enjoyable time with someone I want to spend more time with.
At this point I have no idea which option is less weird/ awkward, and I feel a bit damned either way because of the mess I've made of it already.
What on earth do I do? I'm really struggling with this, I literally can't remember the last time a real, known person in my life was a special interest.
Thanks
