What was your life like before you knew you were autistic?

School was difficult. The social aspect. I was very anxious but didn’t know at the time. Work life was difficult. Fulltime hours killed me, as did the dreaded breaks and lunchtime where I was supposed to interact. I couldn’t eat in front of people either.
I spent a large portion of my life pretending to be like other people when socialising, while inside I felt out of my depth and anxious. I did pubs and clubs until I was about 26. I struggled to maintain friendships, and loved being at home in my four walls. I had very low self esteem and awful perfectionism. However,  I thought I was above everyone intellectually, as most people seemed stupid and had no common sense. It seems I could do everything and knew everything, yet was unable to do simple things and I hated myself for it. I felt stupid!

I had problems with relationships from not understanding things, and being too blunt, too unemotional and nit wanting to go out. I also got myself into someone tricky situations with men, as I didn’t realise I was being lied to, used or manipulated and more…..

When married, and children came along, the school run was horrid, and having parents come to the home to collect a child or drop one off was awful. I left all the clubs and parties and collections/drop offs to the husband. I was confused why children were naughty and didn’t do as asked. I exercised a lot of control and order and routine in the household, which was a blessing in one way, and bad in another.
I avoided visiting his family, never wanted to meet other people, his friends, hated holidays, would never dare go too far or for too long. I barely left the house, so left all outside things the ex. I didn’t answer the door, never used the phone. However, I worked for myself at home successfully. I had frequent violent meltdowns in the last 6-8 years of my marriage from stress, change etc and my husband being nasty to me.

I did eventually see a dr for depression and social anxiety and had CBT, that helped, I did push my boundaries a lot more , but I found I still felt the same, and suffered afterwards though I didn’t give up.

When my ex husband left in 2015 and I had burnout. Went down 3 dress sizes in as many months and there was nothing to me. After a year or so I started picking up. I felt so much better without the stress of a marriage, and I was forced to start being independent again. I managed. I got through it. Felt like I did before marriage, and got ‘me’ back. I was in a much better place. A lot more happened, but I didn’t get my thunderbolt moment until 2020. It all went *** up from there lol.

School was difficult. The social aspect. I was very anxious but didn’t know at the time. Work life was difficult. Fulltime hours killed me, as did the dreaded breaks and lunchtime where I was supposed to interact. I couldn’t eat in front of people either.
I spent a large portion of my life pretending to be like other people when socialising, while inside I felt out of my depth and anxious. I did pubs and clubs until I was about 26. I struggled to maintain friendships, and loved being at home in my four walls. I had very low self esteem and awful perfectionism. However,  I thought I was above everyone intellectually, as most people seemed stupid and had no common sense. It seems I could do everything and knew everything, yet was unable to do simple things and I hated myself for it. I felt stupid!

I had problems with relationships from not understanding things, and being too blunt, too unemotional and nit wanting to go out. I also got myself into someone tricky situations with men, as I didn’t realise I was being lied to, used or manipulated and more…..

When married, and children came along, the school run was horrid, and having parents come to the home to collect a child or drop one off was awful. I left all the clubs and parties and collections/drop offs to the husband. I was confused why children were naughty and didn’t do as asked. I exercised a lot of control and order and routine in the household, which was a blessing in one way, and bad in another.
I avoided visiting his family, never wanted to meet other people, his friends, hated holidays, would never dare go too far or for too long. I barely left the house, so left all outside things the ex. I didn’t answer the door, never used the phone. However, I worked for myself at home successfully. I had frequent violent meltdowns in the last 6-8 years of my marriage from stress, change etc and my husband being nasty to me.

I did eventually see a dr for depression and social anxiety and had CBT, that helped, I did push my boundaries a lot more , but I found I still felt the same, and suffered afterwards though I didn’t give up.

When my ex husband left in 2015 and I had burnout. Went down 3 dress sizes in as many months and there was nothing to me. After a year or so I started picking up. I felt so much better without the stress of a marriage, and I was forced to start being independent again. I managed. I got through it. Felt like I did before marriage, and got ‘me’ back. I was in a much better place. A lot more happened, but I didn’t get my thunderbolt moment until 2020. It all went *** up from there lol.