What was your life like before you knew you were autistic?

The whole thing came up again like a corpse from a peat bog in the early 90's for me when first, my GP waved my medical notes around, and I saw what had been written about me as a child. But it wasn't called autism in those days, but closer to madness. My mother then told me my niece was suspected as having autism. However, the literature brought up very painful feelings, especially the way it banged on about the lack of empathy thing. It all lead to a massive row with my mother, and I didn't see my family for over two years, after leaving the UK for good. 

At that time, autism was not on the radar the way it is now. Two of the schoolchildren I currently teach have been diagnosed with it. So has my niece's boy, I don't think she was though. 

A counsellor I saw briefly did say to me that all this would never have hurt me as much as it did if there wasn't some truth to it, and he was happy enough to tell me he thought he could see autistic traits in me, though I didn't ask him what these might be. 

I was so scared at the time I might be unemployable and worse, and an object of pity. My parents were not really able to deal with my difficulties as a child, and I think they felt a sense of shame. Especially if they were being blamed for it.

Now it does seem that autism is less of a big deal, and carrying less stigma, with more well-known people 'coming out.' I would have liked a lot more transparency and honesty what was going on with me as a child, and to have had more knowledge and insight about why certain things were inexplicably difficult for me as an adult. Especially in my early twenties, when it would have been really useful. 

There is still no blood test that can definitely detect autism, though.

So really, there was never really any before, though I was pretty much left in the dark about what 'it' was. I didn't know that if this is what it is, that it is life long, rather than just a childhood thing. 

The whole thing came up again like a corpse from a peat bog in the early 90's for me when first, my GP waved my medical notes around, and I saw what had been written about me as a child. But it wasn't called autism in those days, but closer to madness. My mother then told me my niece was suspected as having autism. However, the literature brought up very painful feelings, especially the way it banged on about the lack of empathy thing. It all lead to a massive row with my mother, and I didn't see my family for over two years, after leaving the UK for good. 

At that time, autism was not on the radar the way it is now. Two of the schoolchildren I currently teach have been diagnosed with it. So has my niece's boy, I don't think she was though. 

A counsellor I saw briefly did say to me that all this would never have hurt me as much as it did if there wasn't some truth to it, and he was happy enough to tell me he thought he could see autistic traits in me, though I didn't ask him what these might be. 

I was so scared at the time I might be unemployable and worse, and an object of pity. My parents were not really able to deal with my difficulties as a child, and I think they felt a sense of shame. Especially if they were being blamed for it.

Now it does seem that autism is less of a big deal, and carrying less stigma, with more well-known people 'coming out.' I would have liked a lot more transparency and honesty what was going on with me as a child, and to have had more knowledge and insight about why certain things were inexplicably difficult for me as an adult. Especially in my early twenties, when it would have been really useful. 

There is still no blood test that can definitely detect autism, though.

So really, there was never really any before, though I was pretty much left in the dark about what 'it' was. I didn't know that if this is what it is, that it is life long, rather than just a childhood thing.