Published on 12, July, 2020
My husband is a non diagnosed autistic person and he masks this all week at work.
When he is at home he just wants to hide in his office, he never comes out with me and the children, he won't visit places we want to visit because "everyone else is there" and he gets incredibly stressed and grumpy when it off his comfort zone so we just tend to leave him at home, however I feel like a single parent and I miss having someone to have adventures with.
I often wonder "what is the point" we sleep in separate rooms and although he says he loves me and I love him, it just doesn't feel like a "Normal relationship"
Can anyone offer any advice???
I had a job, for the last 9 years of working, where I had to interact with a fairly large number of people. I was managing scientific services in a university research institute. This was after 25 years as a researcher in a research group averaging 8 people. I found the change very challenging, and having to be sociable with so many people on a daily basis exhausted my social abilities. My family suffered from me being socially drained at work, and just needing to be on my own for most of the time when home. You should be aware that what comes without any effort for neurotypical people in socialising, making chit-chat, reading other people's expressions and mood etc., is done through conscious intellectual effort by autistic people, and it is exhausting. Imagine that you were an actor on stage for most of every week, having to remember lines and stage directions, that would be hugely exhausting, and this is essentially what all autistics in people-facing jobs do while at work. Apart from being a salesperson, I cannot think of a more draining job for an autistic person than being a teacher. I suspect that if your husband had a job with minimal interpersonal interactions he would be far more sociable at home. Apart from changing jobs, I can only suggest that you choose family outings to places with few other people present.