Published on 12, July, 2020
My husband is a non diagnosed autistic person and he masks this all week at work.
When he is at home he just wants to hide in his office, he never comes out with me and the children, he won't visit places we want to visit because "everyone else is there" and he gets incredibly stressed and grumpy when it off his comfort zone so we just tend to leave him at home, however I feel like a single parent and I miss having someone to have adventures with.
I often wonder "what is the point" we sleep in separate rooms and although he says he loves me and I love him, it just doesn't feel like a "Normal relationship"
Can anyone offer any advice???
Ok, a lot to unpack here. I’m on the other side of things. Diagnosed autistic husband to neurotypical wife, no kids as of yet.
I think the two of you could use some counselling to start with. I definitely get that his life is probably quite difficult, but I think you do need to make clear to him that there does need to be compromise on his side. I expect that to be a difficult conversation and for him to respond badly to it, I know I have in the past. Just approach it calmly, don’t get angry, do your best to be clear and precise, and include plenty of reassurance.
A change of job may be in order as it sounds like it’s consuming his life in a negative way, but that certainly a big change and not always possible financially. I find working from home useful.
Finally, a really simple one, sleep in the same bed, but have different blankets, it how me and my wife do it, and it works well. It means I have my separate space in the bed, not at risk of being touched, but we’re with each other to give each comfort when needed. And you know, sex.
Hope that helps, happy to give more of perspective on the other side if you think it would help.
Dan.
Thank you Dan.