Precarious basis for self esteem

That's so well put, and I understand completely. External validation has what I rationally know is a disproportionately weighted prominence in my life. The best way I can describe how it feels is that the last thing, especially if negative, said to me on an aspect of myself or a situation I'm looking for some glimmer of hope in, sets the rules of objective and universal reality for all time, unless and until another person offers a counterpoint. Then that too tilts the word on its axis, maybe in a slightly kinder direction. It's like everyone else has that godlike power, and I'm the only one without it. Very small things (to them) can be internally catastrophic and remove all hope. Resilience is essential, but hard.

That's so well put, and I understand completely. External validation has what I rationally know is a disproportionately weighted prominence in my life. The best way I can describe how it feels is that the last thing, especially if negative, said to me on an aspect of myself or a situation I'm looking for some glimmer of hope in, sets the rules of objective and universal reality for all time, unless and until another person offers a counterpoint. Then that too tilts the word on its axis, maybe in a slightly kinder direction. It's like everyone else has that godlike power, and I'm the only one without it. Very small things (to them) can be internally catastrophic and remove all hope. Resilience is essential, but hard.