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Precarious basis for self esteem

NAS73180

I value myself on what I think others think of me.  Because of this I am constantly resetting my value.  According to autism definitions I am poor at recognising others’ private thoughts so life is constant trepidation.  

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  • I certainly used to have my self esteem dependent on the values, I thought, others put on me. However there came a point some years ago where in one particular area - my writing and getting it published - I understood that I didn’t need that external “validation by editor”, understood that actually I am a great poet and that the judgements of others are irrelevant (I say to people I encounter “I’m the best English poet you’ll ever meet!”, they usually think I’m joking but I’m not).

    Then as time progressed this knack of internal validation spread through almost every area of my life and it is wonderful, life affirming and empowering. Of course there’s still bad things, bad days, situations which challenge my self belief, but the journey is going in the right direction. Incidentally the more self confident I became the more attractive to others I became, it was unplanned and unexpected but it is seriously nice to find people drawn to me, and drawn not for anything they think they might get but just for the pleasure of my company. 

    This probably sounds hugely arrogant and maybe to an extent it is, but the rewards for internal validation way out way the minor negatives 

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  • I certainly used to have my self esteem dependent on the values, I thought, others put on me. However there came a point some years ago where in one particular area - my writing and getting it published - I understood that I didn’t need that external “validation by editor”, understood that actually I am a great poet and that the judgements of others are irrelevant (I say to people I encounter “I’m the best English poet you’ll ever meet!”, they usually think I’m joking but I’m not).

    Then as time progressed this knack of internal validation spread through almost every area of my life and it is wonderful, life affirming and empowering. Of course there’s still bad things, bad days, situations which challenge my self belief, but the journey is going in the right direction. Incidentally the more self confident I became the more attractive to others I became, it was unplanned and unexpected but it is seriously nice to find people drawn to me, and drawn not for anything they think they might get but just for the pleasure of my company. 

    This probably sounds hugely arrogant and maybe to an extent it is, but the rewards for internal validation way out way the minor negatives 

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