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Does anyone have a practical guide for communicating via text

Rol

Hello i'm 36 ( late diagnosed last year ) and I have not made a new friend in 16 years.

I am good at masking and meeting people in person, But I struggle a lot with texting. I asked the people who disconnect with me why they did and I get a couple answers

  1. I text too often
  2. Its "Difficult to talk with me"
  3. I just don't feel a connection

I would like to figure out how to communicate via text, does anyone know of any guides for communicating via text as an autistic adult.

I'm tech savvy and have found AI to be helpful but that gives its own problems with authenticity and whatnot.

I found speech to text can help me formulate a sentence but then i get comments about my communication style being weird.

What I would like help figuring out is:

  • how often to text
  • How do i know the emotional meaning in a text
  • how can i come up with a reply if I im not answering a question or providing information.
  • examples of conversation starters?
  • how can i bring up a concern without offending the person

All of the answers I have gotten is "You just have to feel when to do things or what to say" which is really unhelpful. I really wish there was a flow chart for this kind of stuff.

Also, unrelated kind of, whenever i bring this up with my neurotypical friends that my struggle is because im neurodivergent they say that is negative self talk and that it's just because all the people i've met are just incompatible. Is this true? I feel like I'm supposed to try to make some accommodations in my communication with neurotypical friends, or like communicate with them my struggles.

Thank you for your help in advance...

Parents

  • Was gonna say chatGPT but you already mentioned, plus that's only really going to be useful for emails. Texting and so forth is more of a timing and balance issue, I think. As the roughest of rough guides, you would want to approximately match the other person. Frequency, volume etc, in order for them to not find it jarring. Roughly.

    So if they send brief one liners, and you send long messages, or they message once a day and you message 10 times a day, or they are talking about surface level nonsense and you talk about meaningful stuff ... (and you get the idea). But it would just serve as a guide, with a lot of leeway.

    No, the NTs saying "incompatibility" isn't helpful really, as they are just assuming neurotypicality and, or, just being polite cos they don't want to feel they have hurt your feelings.

    But it's also somewhat correct since, maybe they aren't the right people? I'd say, maybe put some rough constraints in, if you notice you have a tendency to overcomplicated in one way (say), but also, you would want to find people who naturally match you in that way. Probably a balancing act.

  • in reply to BlendedSpob

    Haha at this point i'm thinking of making a whole new chat app that has built in chatGPT functionality to act as a friendship coach or something.

    Your message is very helpful to me, I have been loosely looking at the successes and failures trying to figure out who i am compatible with. Sure is tough though to hear time and time again that what I thought was good conversation was actually not.

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  • in reply to BlendedSpob

    Haha at this point i'm thinking of making a whole new chat app that has built in chatGPT functionality to act as a friendship coach or something.

    Your message is very helpful to me, I have been loosely looking at the successes and failures trying to figure out who i am compatible with. Sure is tough though to hear time and time again that what I thought was good conversation was actually not.

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