Does anyone have a practical guide for communicating via text

Hello i'm 36 ( late diagnosed last year ) and I have not made a new friend in 16 years.

I am good at masking and meeting people in person, But I struggle a lot with texting. I asked the people who disconnect with me why they did and I get a couple answers

  1. I text too often
  2. Its "Difficult to talk with me"
  3. I just don't feel a connection

I would like to figure out how to communicate via text, does anyone know of any guides for communicating via text as an autistic adult.

I'm tech savvy and have found AI to be helpful but that gives its own problems with authenticity and whatnot.

I found speech to text can help me formulate a sentence but then i get comments about my communication style being weird.

What I would like help figuring out is:

  • how often to text
  • How do i know the emotional meaning in a text
  • how can i come up with a reply if I im not answering a question or providing information.
  • examples of conversation starters?
  • how can i bring up a concern without offending the person

All of the answers I have gotten is "You just have to feel when to do things or what to say" which is really unhelpful. I really wish there was a flow chart for this kind of stuff.

Also, unrelated kind of, whenever i bring this up with my neurotypical friends that my struggle is because im neurodivergent they say that is negative self talk and that it's just because all the people i've met are just incompatible. Is this true? I feel like I'm supposed to try to make some accommodations in my communication with neurotypical friends, or like communicate with them my struggles.

Thank you for your help in advance...

Parents
  • All of the answers I have gotten is "You just have to feel when to do things or what to say" which is really unhelpful. I really wish there was a flow chart for this kind of stuff.

    Yeah this isn’t a helpful answer, I seem to be the Queen of killing group chats somehow but I have no idea why! I think you also make a very good point about not having to completely change your communication style to talk to NT people, they need to accommodate you as well. Meet in the middle. I’m not sure how to answer some of your questions it will depend on context, some people may think texting hi once a day is too much but texting people multiple times a day especially if they haven’t had time to reply can feel like harassment. I only usually text people if I have something specific to carry on a conversation about or sometimes if I haven’t spoken to them for a long time and there’s likely to be more to say. I have also been on the otherside in the past as well, it is very hard to carry on a conversation with someone who gives very short, blunt, basic answers and doesn’t actually engage in conversation. All the more frustrating if they’re the one who sent the first message. Your friends may have a point about meeting more compatible people, I have much better communication with other ND people, do you have any hobbies you could join a group for?

  • I am coming out of depression that I had for 10 years, which probably didn't help my social skills. I am beginning to find my hobbies but I am not sure what I enjoy yet. The problem I have is people don't message me ever. If I wait for them it will never happen. I hate that feeling of harrassment I get when I even send one message to people, I want to just let the person know I"m thinking of them, I tried to vary my pace to like once every 3 days but then they just unfriend me.

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  • I am coming out of depression that I had for 10 years, which probably didn't help my social skills. I am beginning to find my hobbies but I am not sure what I enjoy yet. The problem I have is people don't message me ever. If I wait for them it will never happen. I hate that feeling of harrassment I get when I even send one message to people, I want to just let the person know I"m thinking of them, I tried to vary my pace to like once every 3 days but then they just unfriend me.

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