Published on 12, July, 2020
So another thread relating to trans rights has been locked under Rule 4 ‘Be Nice’ , but shouldn’t hatred directed at trans people be actually deleted? The thread was going really well with lots of trans, gender fluid and queer people supporting each other, but as usual the cis hets dive in to invalidate us. The mod response is not to target the prejudice but to lock the entire thread! This is wrong. Can we trans and queer and pride people on the spectrum not have a safe space here? I know the mods have a policy of non-deletion but this is wrong, were racist comments being made I’m sure they’d pounce on that pdq, but hate against trans people is unchallenged and left to stand. Apalling of you NAS!
Alice-nice-Alice said:but as usual the cis hets dive in to invalidate us
By lumping a large group of people together, who cannot help being what they are, and giving them all negative traits, you are committing a similar level of prejudicial thinking as those you decry. "Do as you would be done by" is a good maxim. I'm speaking as the parent of a non-binary child, whom I love greatly. I have no anti-trans axe to grind.
My prejudice, if that is what it is, comes from a place of persecution, the straight white mainstream absolutely don’t experience this, and I did not mention you at all, nor assert a personal axe grinding.
Thank you. I do understand that many, perhaps most, people are kind and caring but my suffering was intense and profound and it’s consequences echoing to this day. I cannot explain the pain of having my daughters taken from me for simply being my true self. I am so glad you are loving your child as you do, it is excellent to hear and is indeed a little comfort, than you. I’m in a bad place today, they were truly accepting mr, we we’re getting there in our relationship and we could have been in each other’s lives still had not mainstream prejudices intervened.
I feel this is off track for an autism community so I apologise for this, it’s so incredibly hard and for all the trauma I’ve suffered, and dealt with, the loss of my daughters is a suicidal pain I cannot resolve or close.
I am genuinely sorry that you have experienced such distress and grief. No one should have to suffer in such a way. Perhaps the knowledge that my non-binary child will not suffer in any way - from within their family - because of who they are, might be of some comfort. Also, both myself and my wife are 'cis het', proving that not all are unfeeling or persecutory.
I may well stand accused of hypocrisy and no my English here isn’t perfect but I’m coming from a place you probably have no experience of …
When I transitioned in the early 90s my children were prevented from seeing me by the mainstream, a mainstream of straight white Roman Catholic men, I haven’t seen them since and its a miracle I’m still alive - my first suicide attempt was on my older daughter’s birthday, alone distressed hurt, there have been several at attempts since, each more serious and the last in November 22 only escaped by a slimmest thread. Ok, you can run linguistic rings round me but you cannot ever understand the true depth of hatred and persecution felt, the true consequences of simply being my true self.
It is hypocritical to cry out against prejudice and then commit it. I like exactitude in communication and expression, and I dislike hypocrisy. Do I think in black and white terms - yes, I'm autistic. In my understanding, either the expression I have objected to was an articulation of prejudice, or was a mistake of expression. Either prejudice or a mistake, I cannot conceive of any other possibility.
The prejudice expressed was against invalidation only. What have I missed?
We are mostly autistic here, so most of us have some experience of exclusion from the mainstream, if not persecution. Your argument is a little like the, fairly often stated, assertion that 'black people cannot be racist', because they have been enslaved and persecuted. I expect that the Tutsi being slaughtered by the Hutu in the Rwanda genocide fully subscribed to that idea.
I don't understand the relevance of not having mentioned me. My point was about your use of apparently hypocritical wording. If you were not expressing a prejudicial attitude, please explain how I have misunderstood.