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Diagnosed Today Aged 53 and a bit

Agnesi

I just thought I'd say hello. I'm a bit shell shocked at the diagnosis to be honest, even though I expected it. I think it's the part of me which has been in denial all my life which is shellshocked. 

I lost my lovely mother a year and a half ish ago which was about 6 months after I was referred for assessment. I think my diagnosis might open too many cans of worms for remaining family and very strangely I don't want to tell most of my long term friends...although I think eventually I might. I'm not married and have no children. So, although I was initially elated this afternoon, I feel a bit isolated too. I've been referred to a local support group though and it'll be good to talk to people who 'get me'.

It is a comfort reading other posts here too. I can't find the original but whoever it was who welcomed someone else to the WTAF club, this is continuing to make me chuckle! Thank you!

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    Thank you so much. The nurse told me to expect a few bumpy weeks. I said well it's been a bumpy life so far, what's new? It is different though but I know I'll be ok. It's really good to be able to dip in here and not feel so alone. 

  • in reply to NAS73180

    Has it been a big help knowing? Sorry if it's a daft question.

  • in reply to Patrick

    Your blog sounds like something I might find helpful...or a diary. I've only told 3 friends so far and not my family. I am feeling the shock and upset as well as the relief. It is really good to read others' experiences. I'm going back to work tomorrow (also having had COVID just before diagnosis) so I'm hoping that'll provide me with a bit of familiarity to help me remember that I'm still the same person. I'm looking forward to 4 weeks down the line when I'm hoping it's a bit less 'bumpy'. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • in reply to bazchuckle

    I'm pretty convinced now that I have a diagnosis my dad would easily get one too. I can only say from my point of view that if my dad or other family members had been assessed when I was younger I think it might've been very helpful to me to know that it was a possibility to be explored. Although on the other hand I think I've always been afraid of stigma whereas at this age I don't care so much what anyone thinks. It was my teenage years and my 20s which were the most difficult when it might've been more helpful (and at the same time painful?) to know. It's a tricky one. Either way though I certainly don't think any less of my dad for not getting assessed. Whether even now he has the insight for autism to be a possibility for him to explore I don't know so I have a similar wondering about whether it would my dad knowing my diagnosis. He's 86 now. He did say a couple of years ago that he wished the information about mental health which is out there in every day discussions was available to him years ago. At the end of the day I guess I can only make decisions for me and I'm just playing it all by ear for now until it's all sunk in a bit more.

    Sorry for long rambling reply. I think I've spent that much time wondering and also with the 'imposter syndrome', even though it's a bit overwhelming and different now that I know and part of me wants to put the genie back in the bottle, I'm still glad I know.

  • in reply to JT

    Thanks for your reply. It's good to have a heads up, so to speak. I think I've had some of the grief already which led me to seeking a diagnosis. I was teaching in an autistic school for a short time a couple of years ago and thought what an amazing environment it was and wondered how much more I might've thrived/achieved with such support. It was a lovely experience and a revelation. I'd often wondered about myself before that but that's the first time it felt very real if that makes any sense. I do feel there might be more grief to come though and it's really helpful to know the experiences of others.

  • Getting emotional again reading your post. Was diagnosed 4 weeks after my 50th a few weeks ago.  Felt grateful at first then shocked and upset. Think that’s normal really. I then wrote a blog post that reflected on my journey putting everything together in my head. Shared that to my friends on FB and that’s helped so much. Hope this space provides some sense of community. 

  • 47 and not yet diagnosed, so maybe i'm not. But hoping to find out.  Have wondered for a long time whether i need to be diagnosed and whether or not it would change anything. 

    To be honest, the main driver is that I hope it might encourage my 10yo to open up to the thought of being assessed.  She has loads of my traits (as i do my dad's). Still cant work out if it will hinder or help her in the long run.

    But anyway, back to the original point... I have also wondered if there would be value in sharing with other people (colleagues/friends) if I did get diagnosed.

  • I think we go through a period of grief so strap in. For the life we lost, of potentially could have lived if we'd had been diagnosed sooner?

    Sorry to hear about your mother leave us, but glad you sound like you have a good stock of friends.

    It takes time, and is a constant source of revelation in my experience. Your old life will continue to reveal the 'oh right, that's why that happened' moments for a long time now

  • Same age as myself when I got the diagnosis.  I’m 57 now. 

  • I'm glad you got your diagnosis and I hope you will be too eventually. The shell shock is quite normal.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I haven't told all of my friends, there's no obligation to tell anyone you don't want to.