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I feel fake all the time and I can't switch it off

Abigail

I feel like I am pretending with everything about me, even when I'm on my own. It's like I am constantly in my own head analysing everything that I am doing to seem "normal". It even happens when I am on my own, I will stop myself from doing something that is considered "weird". I think this is masking but I really don't know because I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it as I don't have my official diagnosis yet (haven't even had my first meeting or anything. Very annoying and am anxious about that because I want and feel like I need that support and validation). What do I do? I am exhausted all the time because I am constantly thinking about everything I say and do. I have stopped myself from stimming a lot and it is constantly pent up. I feel like I am going to explode (not literally) all the time but I can't seem to let myself go when I am on my own in my room. I don't really know what to do at this point. How do I bring this up with my doctor? Should I get a therapist? What is the best way to do that and will they understand? I've never talked about this before and it's the first time I feel I have noticed and acknowledged it and I want to let it all out but I think I have been doing this for so long that I can't and don't know how.

Parents

  • At the age of 19 I think I was "playing" with all sorts of identities and feelings.....I most certainly didn't know who I was or what I should or would become.

    I don't think that is especially diagnostic of any particular condition because I believe it is VERY common amongst many people in the 18-25 age group.

    It is great that you are aware of yourself in the way that you report.  Just give yourself a good bit of time to explore your thoughts and feelings whilst you experience different situations in your life to see if any common tropes are apparent.

    Don't necessarily try to figure out everything for certain too early.  I think it really does take some considerable time to "know ones self" irrespective of what diagnosis or 3rd party opinion you receive regarding yourself.

    I think (trite though it sounds) that keeping calm, sane and self aware requires more than enough effort at your stage of life.  I wish you sincere best wishes with those onerous challenges in this day and age.

    Number.

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  • At the age of 19 I think I was "playing" with all sorts of identities and feelings.....I most certainly didn't know who I was or what I should or would become.

    I don't think that is especially diagnostic of any particular condition because I believe it is VERY common amongst many people in the 18-25 age group.

    It is great that you are aware of yourself in the way that you report.  Just give yourself a good bit of time to explore your thoughts and feelings whilst you experience different situations in your life to see if any common tropes are apparent.

    Don't necessarily try to figure out everything for certain too early.  I think it really does take some considerable time to "know ones self" irrespective of what diagnosis or 3rd party opinion you receive regarding yourself.

    I think (trite though it sounds) that keeping calm, sane and self aware requires more than enough effort at your stage of life.  I wish you sincere best wishes with those onerous challenges in this day and age.

    Number.

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