One important thing I’ve appreciated as part of my diagnosis is the way I always believe people mean what the say. I suppose it’s an extension of the way we so often take things literally. So a couple of examples from the last few months …
I had my bath/shower room completely refitted in February to early March, it took two weeks and was very expensive, but excellent value for money and is a huge boost to my well-being. Anyway on completion there were a few de-bugs to do, I and they knew they would be and rectification is part of the contract, they came out to asses and then said, quite specifically, that they would ring me on Monday 13th to arrange a fix date., I put it carefully into my calendar. Well they didn’t call, I’m then both surprised and not. Surprised because I believed they meant what they said, but not because it happens so often. So the consequence is that I’m ruminating on why they lie? Was I a bad customer in some way? Was it because I’m a woman? Was it because of any number of self deprecating reasons? My logic circuits are saying “they were probably simply busy and forgot”, but still that doesn’t help as I go down the rabbit hole of why they forgot ME.
Another example is the friends through my life who’ve said “I’ll always be there for you”, but when I am in crisis and message or call the boundaries are suddenly revealed and they aren’t. One example was during the pandemic, a dark lonely night, alone, struggling with trauma flashbacks, so I messaged a friend who had said this very thing and all I heard was daughter-partner-sorry. So I just disappeared into a bottle that dark night.
I truly don’t get why people say things they don’t mean, why they lie, make promises which can’t be kept. I never do this, if I say I will do something I do it, I keep my promises. On the plus side my approach has contributed to having a strong relationship with my partner, I was very clear at the outset what I could and couldn’t bring to our relationship, have never made promises I can’t keep, and I initiated a boundaries discussion which has stood us in good stead on many levels.
Thanks for listening
Emma
