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Do NT and ND speak different languages?

Homebird

Sometimes a NT will ask me something and I don't understand what they are asking or misinterpret it. 

Then the opposite way around I will ask a question so I can make suitable adjustments personally if needed and it can be seen as criticism, because the reason for asking is not understood. 

I am trying to work out if this is simply a communication problem I have or it is to do with the different way a NT brain works.

Parents

  • This is something I have often thought about too.

    Language and communication can be interesting at times. Words can be quite fluid depending on the various contexts they are used in. This makes communication via words sort of imperfect anyway, but even more so when you factor in the idea that the words themselves don’t really matter all that much in an NT conversation (this is a hypothesis based on observation and my on tangents of thought, rather than fact).

    Unfortunately, I think a lot of communication in the NT world can rely on non verbal aspects even during a conversation where there is an opportunity to use words to mean what they actually mean. Even in these moments, I think non verbal stuff can take priority and things like tone of voice (which I really struggle to pick up on) often overrides the actual word meaning. A classic example is “have I upset you somehow?” “No, I’m fine” etc. An autistic person might take these words at face value and move on, after all, they have been selected for what they represent right? This then is somehow seen as a huge deal and insulting etc. But someone else (possibly NT) will be listening out for tone of voice to suggest that this answer isn’t the case and react to this. But they might also be looking for body language (whatever that’s supposed to mean) and facial expressions that again suggest otherwise.

    The problem with this is that words become meaningless and guesswork based on subtle clues needs to be used to fill in the gaps.

    When you add in the often shared experiences that we describe here on picking up on these aspects of communication, or rather, not picking up on them and add this to the feeling of often being misunderstood for actually speaking our minds or being persecuted for the selection of certain words (which are often very technically accurate) I think we land on a difficulty in communication between the ND and NT populations. I think this is known as the Double Empathy Problem, or at least could be an application of it anyway.

    This is an imperfect explanation, but it is an attempt at putting some of my thoughts to paper on the matter. I still have work to do on understanding this really, but I’m happy with this as a starting point.

    Apologies for the essay.

  • in reply to Oakling

    I get really fixated on trying to ascertain what exactly was meant in a conversation. Why did they choose to use the exact words that they did. Why was emphasis placed on a certain word or words. Drives me mad haha

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