Published on 12, July, 2020
Just interested if anyone else has met a person in adult life who bullied them at school.
My father ran a small coach business, the yard had an office and occasionally people would book a coach in person. One day I was on my own in the yard, I would have been about 35 then. One of the school bullies turned up to book a coach. He was one of the worst ones, anyway he greeted me like an old friend, it shocked me and I was like a rabbit in the headlights. He really was after ‘mates rates’, I really didn’t know how to deal with him, had he forgotten or thought it was just a bit of fun, I couldn’t work it out, I started to wonder, did the years of abuse actually happen? But they are too vivid, they did happen. Another thought was, he’s pushing me for a cheap price, is he trying to bully me again. I so wanted to ask him why he did it but couldn’t. My father luckily came back to the yard and dealt with his enquiry. Has anything similar happened to anyone else?
Two experiences come to mind related to this: one from two decades ago, and one…today. A very complicated one that.
I might just do the first one for now. I was never majorly bullied in school, mostly just tolerated but at arms length which suited me anyway. But there was this one guy in my year (thankfully not my class except when we crossed over for the dreaded PE) who’s hatred for my nerdiness and disinterest in the goings-on of competitive sports was palpable. He exploded at me one time when I was assigned to his five a side team (I was always the unchosen leftover) when I admitted after defeat that it hadn’t mattered to me whether we won or lost. He’d also just make snide condescending remarks to me on thankfully rare encounters. But I hated feeling that hated.
Anyway, several years after school, and not too long after university I’m working in a book shop, newsagent and stationers (think WH Smith but the Irish version) on the counter and he rocks up with a few of his friends (I didn’t recognise them). I can see him in the queue and my stomach turns over but I’m also thinking ‘we’ll look, we were younger then, I’m sure it will be different as adults’. And when he recognises and acknowledges who I am it seems for a few seconds that that’s how it is. But I quickly detect this sort of looking down his nose at me. My station in life must have been lowlier or something and he was slightly getting off on that. Also the fact that I was serving him, albeit momentarily gave him some satisfaction. I’m trying to give thing a subtext of ‘well, we’re older and wiser’ but then he goes ‘I see you’ve still got the auld false face.’ with a sneering grin telling me he knows he’s twisting the knife. False Face is a term we used to have over here for Halloween Mask. In other words ‘you’re no less ugly than I remember’. It wasn’t a genial bit of teasing. He looked round at his wee gaggle of mates who all feel into line with some mocking laughter of agreement. And wandered on, pleased that he’d left me stunned and too slow witted for a dignified comeback. And, loathe as I am to admit it, genuinely hurt land self conscious.
Anyway, he’s since become this big events promoter over here, and is loaded. But I heard he anonymously had to pay out major libel damages not that long ago for a sustained social media bullying campaign against someone high profile in the media. Allegedly. Plus ca change…
Id say something about karma at this point but goodness knows what’s in store for me over my own less than perfect moments. I’ve never bullied though and never will unless I become someone unrecognisable to myself. I sincerely hope not.