Emotions and Feelings... Can you relearn them?

Cece said:

Hi.

Hello, and welcome.

Cece said:

I have recently learnt that I am autistic and I have been struggling with that information.. very much!

In respect of the diagnosis, the narrative structure of your life has been to some extent unwritten, and to the corresponding extent needs to be rewritten ~ in terms of how your feelings translate into autistic thoughts, words and actions, so maybe give the following post and thread a read:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/30208/my-world-is-falling-apart/270448#270448

Cece said:

Not going through the full chaos going through my analytical brain but just one query I would appreciate your help in steering me to resolve.

So although I have only recently learnt of my autism (age 34), I have obviously had it all my life and I have also been camouflaging... Quite effectively in fact.

I think that the veil only started to thin over the last year or two around the time when (really very unsure if that was a cause or another symptom of something else .. but besides the point) I have had some relationship (married to another possible autistic and with kids) and emotional troubles that I simply couldn't handle very well.

People started (I really don't know why or how... I didn't know I changed anything in my behaviour and I have certainly always made an effort to separate my personal and professional lives) noticing that I am "cold", like a "robot", a "machine" alongside various jokes or "serious concerns" about the fact that I might be on the spectrum and/or suffer from mental health issues, etc. So suffice to say that I am not happy with the fact that the face I have been wearing all my life is simply torn now.

Social camouflaging and personal masking is sort of like putting on layers of clothes each day ~ but not taking them off, and as such just finding it harder and harder to move about freely.

Unfortunately; social camouflaging and personal masking involves shared and enforced inferior, mediocre and superior character pretences ~ that are put on due to at least feeling scared, and at most being violently attacked ~ whether that be verbally or also physically, and hence feelings and ‘emotions’ (historical feelings integrated with instinctual drives) get oppressed and repressed to various extents ~ selectively, situationally and or habitually.

Cece said:

So I have quite the dilemma because upon reassessing my life, I have noted that I have been subconsciously camouflaging so effectively that I am unclear to which of the feelings or emotions that I had were true vs those I imitated to fit in or if I can simply even feel anything or just incapable of doing so.

So I am at a loss to where I stand with all that simply because I don't actually think I genuinely know what those feelings or emotions are meant to be in reality (for me) or for the world to keep my camouflage going for longer while I get to grips with life and how to live it with this new perspective.

The basic problem is not having been able to empathically relate with other autistic people, being that doing as such with those who are non-autistic can be like as if using a foreign language, so “Me too!” and “I know what just you mean!” conversations can be rather lacking in terms of how we feel about things.

This is generally referred to as ‘The Double Empathy Problem’:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/double-empathy

Cece said:

So for those who can camouflage, any tips on how to get my skills back (or why I suddenly lost it!) for the short term peace of mind?

Build up your actual character and as such balance out your socialised character pretence.

Cece said:

And for those who learnt how to identify their real emotions vs the other daily noise, any tips on how I can identify the truth in mine?

Perhaps relate with other autistic people ~ by way of autism specific forums, books, videos, podcasts and all that sort of thing, which are the usual recommendations.

Cece said:

P.S. this is my first post, I am really struggling with simply accepting myself. Camouflaging effectively will help buy me the time I need to process all this and move on, so please don't tell me that I shouldn't do it and to be proud, be myself etc etc.

Comparing social camouflaging and personal masking to work ~ one needs to take time out to rest and enjoy one’s self.

Thanks Deepthought.

You have an interesting perspective. Very thought provoking!

Thanks Deepthought.

You have an interesting perspective. Very thought provoking!